Archive | October, 2011

An exciting, edge of your seat Neighbours recap

30 Oct
Wet Paint

Image by Andreas_MB via Flickr

Missed Neighbours last week? Then you missed superheroes, Sandys, squids, spies, scientists, Spartacuses (Spartacusi?) and other things beginning with the letter “S”. Apart from that you missed sod all really (hey, another thing beginning with the letter “S”). What with all the “Previously on Neighbours” recaps, musical interludes, flashbacks, daydream sequences, and “Tomorrow on Neighbours” spoilers there wasn’t really much time for plot development.

The finding-and-doing-up-old-cars-on-request business of the oddly Aussie/Scottish accented Andrew Robinson and the sushi-scoffing Chris “Freckles” Pappas (no longer the only gay in Erinsborough) is actually doing well after an iffy start. Even Andrew’s “daaah”, the evil one-legged hotelier, was impressed. Thrilling.

Toadie, still stuck between a rock and a hard place, is experiencing a wide range of emotions (mainly love, guilt and despair), all of which are conveyed by just the one vaguely puzzled facial expression (raised eyebrows and a cross between a grin and a grimace). Thanks to Kyle the handyman’s chest and a flirty gay councillor (long story), Paul Robinson’s cunning plan to delay the new shopping centre by getting some old newspaper office listed (it’s located on the proposed car park site) worked. Toadie’s suspiciously anxious, party-pooping boss Peter, upon learning of the delay, ordered Toadie to leave his green fingered beloved’s “S” themed 30th birthday party at once and come up with a solution to save the development (yes, he threatened to sack him yet again). Toadie’s solution? Build the car park on the site of the Dial-a-Kyle handyman yard, Fitzgerald Motors, the mysterious bric-a-brac/antiques shop and Grease Monkeys, offering the respective business owners a handsome sum in return. How could such a plan fail?

Despite all the threats of sackings, financial ruin and potential pariah-type woes, he and Sonya have decided that once things settle down a bit they’ll (cover your eyes if you’re of a nervous disposition) “try” for a baby and in the meantime (cover your eyes again) “practice”. Alas, Toadie doesn’t know that the manic mac wearing Sonya (who now suddenly wants nothing more in the whole wide world than a baby) has already thrown away her (cover your eyes again) contraceptive pills.

Some of the Erinsborough High kids, having reached new levels of boredom, decided to watch paint dry / paint a giant mural as part of the history wall project (delete as appropriate). The increasingly sullen Sophie Ramsay, twigging that Summer Hoyland was the fictitious year 12 girl that the floppy woolly hatted guitar strumming Noah has a fake secret crush on, kicked a tin of paint over the smug, zombie loving, do-gooder’s boots in a fit of jealous rage (major drama). Jealous paint-kicking-rage led, as it so often does, to nose piercing, yet more sisterly bickering, tedious besotted grinning (Noah at the perceptive-as-ever Kate), jamming in the Collective, aloof I’m-so-not-interested-in-nose-pierced-14-year-old-bass-playing-girls type behaviour from Ark Boy (harsh), the return of Lou Carpenter from East Timor, and yet more broken hearted teenage stroppy tantrums.

And what of Tash and the recently discovered Serbian hair dressing aunt, Emilia Jovanovic, you cry? What father-daughter relationship shattering secrets were finally revealed? What edge of the seat, high emotional drama finally ensued after weeks of intrigue? Well, after the hair and nail appointment a nervous Tash had booked under Chris’ name fell through, she hopped on a bus to a fashion shoot her aunt was working on (luckily a mere 40 minute ride away). In the meantime her surfer dude head teaching father Michael returned home, checked the answering machine and discovered a message from an unrelated Jovanovic Tash had phoned during the search for her grandparents last week. Oh the shock. Oh the horror. Oh what would happen next? Well, Tash arrived at the fashion shoot, was mistaken for one of the models by her aunt, plonked in a chair and… that was it.

Puzzle of the week

How come Sophie, who spent weeks strumming the same tune over and over and over again on her guitar, can now jam along to new tunes with a bass she’s had but a week?

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Previously on Neighbours…

23 Oct
Neighbours

Image via Wikipedia

Missed Neighbours last week? Well you missed a week of dangerous poultry, downloadable porn, cunning detective work, punch-ups, naked teen shenanigans and ghostly goings-on. You also missed yet more guitar strumming, lucky sods.

Dr Rhys “no you’re not dreaming, I really am this damned sexy” Lawson turned the smarm up a notch or two, chatting up a beautiful babe at Charlies who it turned out had an Erinsborough bashing boyfriend (long story). Kyle the handyman, spoiling for a fight, leapt to Dr Smarm’s defence, challenging the disgruntled boyfriend to a duel. Unwilling to risk his looks / life-saving hands (delete as appropriate), Dr Smarm fled leaving poor Kyle to face the disgruntled boyfriend and his rather large friends alone. A black-eyed Kyle eventually forgave the smooth talking Rhys (God’s gift to women put some work his way, gave him some ointment for his black eye and hired a Polish cleaner to sort out the dishes) but he has yet to forgive the green fingered, chicken fearing Sonya for keeping quiet about Toadie’s involvement in the shopping centre project.

Paul “don’t ever call be dude” Robinson, determined to scupper the proposed new shopping centre project and inspired by the koala loving Kyle and the aforementioned Polish cleaner Lorraine, came up with new scuppering-new-shopping-centre-project-type-plans involving rare Ozzy flora and fauna and historic old newspaper offices (cunning).

Sonya suspected Callum of downloading porn but it turned out he was merely downloading some geeky dragon quest game (though don’t ask him what he keeps under his bed). And a Mrs K-less Dr Karl Kennedy unexpectedly returned home from Anglesea, much to the embarrassment of Summer and the oddly accented Andrew who were having an “early night” in Summer’s bedroom. Fortunately for the horny teens Dr K turned out to be far more laid back about naked teenage shenanigans than he was when his slightly bitter son Malcom was 17.

The oddly accented Andrew Robinson twigged that the guitar strumming wearer of the floppy woolly hat, Noah, has a crush on his cousin Kate, the trainee teacher/assistant in Harold’s/Little Miss Riding Hood impersonator (don’t ask). Despite having been informed of the bleeding obvious (besotted grinning and a self penned song about loving a girl you shouldn’t love) Kate decided to believe Ark Boy’s hastily contrived explanation: that the song Andrew had foooond… I mean found… was actually about Summer, he had absolutely no inappropriate romantic feelings for Kate whatsoever and could she still give him extra one-on-one candlelit history lessons? Keen to put an end to her younger sister’s doomed crush on Noah and spare her future heartache and misery (she’s started seeing him in love-struck-floppy-hat-bouncing-slow-motion), trusting / gullible Kate (delete as appropriate), casually informed Sophie that Ark Boy had fallen for some girl in year 12 which, oddly enough, led to heartache and err… misery.

And finally… The interfering, zombie loving, sex obsessed Summer advised Michael, the surfer dude head teacher, to talk to his daughter Tash about her long deceased mother. Such do-gooding advice did not lead to grateful thanks and the awarding of gold stars, but to threats of expulsion, the accidental pinning up of Serbian beauty queen articles on school history boards, lip-trembling-trouser-wettingly-scary tellings-off by enraged surfer dude head teachers (Summer was quite scared too), and ghostly apparitions of deceased and somewhat damp wives (spooky).

Tash, having learned of the beauty queen article and now keen to know all about her long deceased mother, set about the daunting and seemingly impossible task of tracking down her Serbian grandparents, with a little help from the rest of the Scooby gang. Minutes later, Summer and a hungry, giant-sandwich-scoffing Chris set off to the last known address of Grandpa and Grandma Jovanovic which as luck would have it turned out to be a short drive away. Alas, Grandpa and Grandma Jovanovic had returned to Serbia. But all was not lost as a friendly neighbour gave them the website address for a Serbian aunty Tash never knew she had. Will Tash pluck up the courage to contact her newly discovered aunt and more importantly, will she live within convenient travelling distance from Ramsay Street? What do you think?

Puzzles of the week

1. How come Paul Robinson’s house is suddenly so filthy he needs to hire a cleaner?

2. Can you get Polish polish (the making-things-shiny-type-cleaning-substance, not drunken law enforcement type officers)?

Last week on Neighbours…

16 Oct
Neighbours

Image by Squirmelia via Flickr

The Ramsay Street residents now know that Toadie is representing the company behind the proposed shopping centre. Oh the shock. Oh the betrayal. Oh the metaphorical fishy put downs, the cunning mind games of evil one-legged hoteliers and the doubts resulting from aforementioned cunning mind games of evil one-legged hoteliers. Toadie’s smooth talking boss Peter reassured the troubled lawyer that he’d been hired for his extensive talented lawyer-type skills (how many years did Steph get banged up for?) rather than his links to Erinsborough and how they could benefit the shopping centre project, as Limpalot had suggested. Oddly enough such links appear to have worked as the council has given the go-ahead for the project. Alas, this has not gone down well with the minnow-like evil hotelier who has sworn revenge upon the cocky young lawyer. Be afraid Toadie. Be very afraid.

Noah is forming a “Collective” (not borg related unfortunately but a gathering of like-minded, no doubt be-hatted musicians who jam together and like, drift… solid). Alas the “Collective” has no need for another electric guitar strumming floppy woolly hatted youth and desperate to spend more time grinning besottedly at Ark Boy Sophie skipped school, hopped on a bus to the city and swapped her electric guitar for a bass guitar, against the express wishes of her older sister Kate Ramsay, the trainee teacher/assistant in Harold’s. One thing led to another which led to older sisters telling younger sisters off, bathroom cleaning, rebellion, more sisterly bickering, all night nightclubbing, younger sisters telling drunken older sisters off, and drunken older sisters telling younger sullen sisters just where they could shove it (sweet).

Lucas, fed up with being harangued by the oddly accented Andrew Robinson and having struggled to run the garage since Chris Pappas, the only gay in Erinsborough, quit his part-time job, apologised to Chris for not standing up for the rights of gay cars and all is well with the world once more.

Michael the surfer dude head teacher spent much of his time surfing and gazing forlornly at that photo of himself, his wife and a young Tash on Bells Beach in 1995 and very little time head teaching. One thing led to another which led rather predictably to the photo coming into the possession of his daughter Tash, cool-under-pressure answers to questions regarding trips to beaches with mothers who were never supposed to have gone on trips to beaches, a vaguely satisfied mathletic daughter who professes not to be all that interested in long deceased mothers they don’t remember anyway, and interfering do-gooding by a zombie loving Summer who delights in knowing all about her own long deceased piano playing mother yet never visits or phones her poor old father Mad Max. Encouraged by Mal Kennedy’s proud declaration that most of the Ramsay Street residents wouldn’t be where they were today if it hadn’t been for the do-gooding of his mother, Saint Susan, Summer set out to uncover the mystery surrounding Tash’s mum, conning her way onto Susan Kennedy’s computer at The Erinsborough News (security is somewhat lax) and discovering a. Michael married Tash’s mum (shocking), b. Tash’s mum was Serbian, and c. Tash’s mum was a former beauty queen.

And finally… Jade the personal trainer had to find new and ingenious ways of buttering toast when her new house mate, the smarmy “I’m too sexy for my shirt” Dr Rhys Lawson, refused to do his share of the washing up (he had far more important career advancing doctor-type interviews to arrange). Such dish washing disharmony inevitably ended in tears, as dish washing disharmony usually does, when Jade stuffed a topless doctor’s newly pressed pristine shirt into an unwashed blender, wiping the smarmy smile off the bare-torsoed Rhys who, it turned out, wasn’t too sexy for his shirt after all. Ah the irony.

Puzzle of the week: How come Lucas has been struggling to run the garage without Chris? He seemed to manage fine after Steph was banged up for flattening the singing trainee paramedic Ringo, even finding time to “fix up” dodgy stolen cars, take part in the odd illegal motor bike race and teach at Erinsborough High.

Neighbours Recap Flashback: 8 January 2007

13 Oct

Ok. We travel back in time to the start of 2007…

Carmella the nightclubbing nun has turned her back on God and gone in search of her cousin’s baby which she’d sold ages ago in order to raise money to give to her former boyfriend Connor (the Irish guy who has possibly been murdered by Robert the evil twin son of Paul Robinson) to help him out after he stole money from his own bikini shop and to try and win him back from Harold’s granddaughter Serena who was either a. tragically drowned following a plane crash along with some other unfortunate Ramsay Street residents or b. washed up somewhere suffering from amnesia, like her grandfather Harold Bishop, and living down the road from fellow amnesia sufferer and slightly damp Dee, Toadie’s wife of a few minutes who was given up for dead after Toadie drove off a cliff and plummeted into the sea (never snog your beloved whilst driving).

Unfortunately, it seems her cousin’s baby snuffed it and this has not gone down very well with the cousin who was already in hospital suffering from depression and has now taken an unhealthy interest in Sky’s unborn kid. The aforementioned unborn kid is causing general disharmony amongst the Ramsay Street residents after Sky confessed it wasn’t Dylan’s (the bloke she was going to marry) but his younger brother’s, Stingray. The news wasn’t taken too well. Stingray has been dumped by his girlfriend Rachel Kinski and been kicked out by Janelle Timmins, biological mother of Stingray, Dylan and Janea but not Bree (long story). Without Rachel you can be sure he’ll turn back to the bottle.

Lou is undergoing hypnosis by Dr Karl Kennedy (the only doctor in Erinsborough) in an attempt to figure out why he can’t remember what happened to him in Russia when he went in search of his girlfriend Mishka (wife of a Russian political type prisoner). Brainwashing by the KBG? Alzheimer’s? Or possibly insanity as he’s now falling for Janelle.

Max (who ran over and killed Callum, Paul’s good twin son ,thinking it was Robert, Paul’s evil twin son) is now in a mental health ward after Elle, Paul’s daughter, in a bid to seek revenge for the death of the aforementioned good twin and favourite brother, convinced him that he was mad. Ironically Max had his wife Steph committed when she wouldn’t have treatment for cancer when she was pregnant. There’s a moral there somewhere.

And finally and most disturbingly… Lyn and Paul continue to get closer and it’s all a tad sordid. On the up side Lyn’s dog, Harvey, no longer chews Paul’s wooden leg.

Enough of the guitar playing already!

9 Oct

Missed Neighbours last week? Well you missed an action packed week full of woolly hats, attempted murder, marriage woes, effeminate cars, and shopping centre intrigue.

Sophie, the increasingly sullen guitar strumming teenager, continued to strum the same tune over and over and over again whilst grinning besottedly at Noah, the guitar strumming wearer of the floppy woolly hat, little knowing that Ark Boy was grinning besottedly at her older sister Kate, the former dancer/trainee teacher/assistant in Harold’s Store. One thing led to another which led to a bit of innocent oh-how-my-heart-skips-a-beat-guitar-lesson-type-finger-touching in the bedroom, yet more besotted grinning, a hastily arranged gig at the Men’s Shed, a new floppy woolly hat, a quick trip to the kitchen to make a cup of tea (I was thirsty), a besotted grinning master/apprentice guitar strumming musical interlude, a penny dropping, older sisterly concern over besotted grinning floppy woolly hatted guitar strumming younger sisters, a quiet word to older floppy woolly hatted guitar strumming boys, shorter and marginally less intimate woolly hat wearing guitar lessons, a puzzled woolly-hatted younger sister, and like, hey, drifting (don’t ask).

The evil, soon to be divorced, boo-hiss-he’s-behind-you, one-legged owner of the Erinsborough News, revealed a rarely seen compassionate side, editing Susan’s bitter article on the horrid uncaring doctors of Erinsborough Hospital (with only two doctors in Erinsborough Hospital people were bound to figure out who she was on about) and encouraging a tad ungrateful Dr K to head to Anglesea to fight for his marriage as he had fought for his (hopefully minus the blackmailing).

The oddly accented son of Paul Robinson has come up with a sure-fire way of making money so that he can get rid of the Clown Mobile and buy a proper car: purchase beat up cars, get Chris Pappas, the only gay in Erinsborough, to use his months of vast car mechanical experience to fix them up, and then sell them on, splitting the profits 50/50. Alas, Chris has packed in his part-time mechanics job and turned down Lucas’s offer of an apprenticeship after the former motor bike racer turned professional photographer turned gambler turned mechanic failed to stand up for gay car rights in front of a bigoted customer (long story).

Jade the personal trainer has been glaring jealously at the flirty goings on between Kyle the handyman and the soccer playing nurse (Kyle’s cunning red-herring-relationship plan to show the world that he and Jade are just house mates who are so not having secret naked adult shenanigans with no strings attached) and even attempted to personal train the aforementioned nurse to death at the gym (nice). Such jealous glarings have been spotted by new house mate, the smarmy I’m-so-damned-sexy-I should-come-with-a-health-warning Dr Rhys Lawson, who has promised Jade he won’t say a word. Given an earlier rather heated and very public conversation at the gym between Jade and the manic mac wearing Sonya about no strings attached naked adult shenanigans with house mates that you secretly lurve, I’m surprised it’s still a secret. It certainly isn’t amongst the Collingwood Magpies (ask RB).

And finally… Most of Ramsay Street now know about the proposed new shopping centre, complete with DIY store, garden centre and hotel, but nobody yet knows that Toadie knows more than they know, with the exception of hop-a-long Robinson who knows that Toadie knows more than he knows, and Toadie’s green fingered beloved, the mac wearing Sonya, who now knows more than hop-a-long Robinson knows but can’t share what she knows with those she knows as Toadie doesn’t want the others to know.

Toadie, concerned that his neighbourly closeness to the business owning residents of Ramsay Street may make things a bit messy (an astute fellow), told the boss of the big shot city solicitors, Peter, he’d rather not continue to oversee the project but thanks for the wonderful opportunity all the same. Alas, this did not lead to understanding smiles and hugs but threats of sackings and mortgage-paying-nursery-woes. Oh the rock. Oh the hard place. Oh it gets worse as Toadie doesn’t yet know what we know – that his nasty boss Peter knows far more about the project than he knows, though exactly what he knows who knows.

Puzzle of the week: Exactly how is a blue Suzuki Ignis gay?

Previously on Neighbours…

1 Oct

Jade the personal trainer and Kyle the handyman finally got rid of their house mate, the flaky florist Michelle, with a little help from the smarmy Dr Rhys who posed as an estate agent (don’t ask). Poor Michelle, who never really fulfilled the unhinged bunny boiling potential that Kyle believed her capable of, departed though not until she’d told her horrible house mates and the manic mac wearing Sonya and former beau Lucas that she knew all about Jade and Kyle’s secret naked adult shenanigans. Inevitable over-the-top manic-mac-wearing-sisterly concern ensued which led to denials, soccer, drinks with flirty soccer playing nurses, sisterly confessions, and general lovelorn mopiness.

Poor Dr Kennedy has spent the week wondering whether his wife Susan Kennedy will ever forgive him for his totally reasonable reaction to her over-the-top hand holding in an absolutely non-romantic way with the dearly departed Jim (she’s still in Anglesea). Such woeful wonderings led to miserable microwave meals for one, hypothetical driving lessons with stationery and cooking utensils, sobbing on sofas, the issuing of incorrect, patient-killing-doses-of-insulin-type prescriptions, and luckily an astute and formerly flirty soccer playing nurse. In an unusual show of goodwill, Dr Smarm covered Dr K’s back, smiling his smarmy “I’m so damned handsome it’s a crime” smile and telling the astute and formerly flirty soccer playing nurse that he’d issued the prescription (which somehow made it all ok). Alas such career saving goodwill came at a terrible, terrible price – Dr K had to introduce the ambitious Rhys to Erinsborough Hospital’s head of surgery during a game of golf.

Tash, the recently drowned but now much better daughter of the forlorn surfing headteacher Michael, is still hearing the sea and experiencing weird camera-zoomy-effect-type dizziness. Water in the ears? Brain tumour? (Summer’s suggestion – though everybody knows if you have a brain tumour you start chatting to people who don’t exist – ask Paul). Stress? An inherited medical condition from the long deceased mother she doesn’t remember and whom her dad rarely talks about? A repressed memory of some tragic event in the past? Newly developing cool superhero type powers? Alas, Tash can’t ask her dad as he’s gone off on his annual surfing holiday with an imaginary, barbecuing, surfer-dude friend named Ritchie – not a brain tumour related companion but Michael’s cunning cover story for a solitary pilgrimage with a little wooden box to the coast to sprinkle flower petals in the sea, look even more forlorn than usual, and read newspaper cuttings concerning a drowned woman (I’d tell you more but I couldn’t read it fast enough).

Callum, biological son of the manic mac wearing Sonya and adopted son of Toadie, is feeling all dejected and alone. His parents are out at work all day either fulfilling their green fingered lifelong dreams of a few weeks or toadying to the boss (sorry). Callum’s best friend Sophie, unimpressed by his futile attempt at playing the drums, spends her weekends strumming the same tedious tune on her guitar over and over and over again in an equally futile attempt to impress the wearer of the floppy woollen/cotton/acrylic-type-blend hat who is secretly besotted with her sister Kate, the dancing trainee teacher who works in Harold’s Store.

And finally…. Desperate to impress his employer after a shaky start at the firm of big shot city solicitors, Toadie has been inviting the boss to dinner, working weekends, interrupting newly engaged and loved up councillors’ romantic dinners for two, and has now taken on some project concerning a proposed new shopping centre and hotel in Erinsborough. Oh the controversy. Oh the moral and ethical dilemmas. Oh the potentially disastrous impact this could have on existing businesses in Erinsborough. Oh I wonder if there’ll be a Starbucks? They do rather nice cinnamon swirls with cream cheese frosting. Toadie has yet to tell anyone he knows what he knows, though the disgruntled one-legged hotelier, having discovered that Toadie works for the big shot solicitors, now knows that he knows more than he knows but just how much more he knows he doesn’t yet know.

Puzzle of the week:

The recurring musical instrument playing puzzle: How can Sophie’s guitar playing be heard throughout Ramsay Street, even in detached houses with the doors and windows shut?