Previously on Neighbours…

1 Oct

Jade the personal trainer and Kyle the handyman finally got rid of their house mate, the flaky florist Michelle, with a little help from the smarmy Dr Rhys who posed as an estate agent (don’t ask). Poor Michelle, who never really fulfilled the unhinged bunny boiling potential that Kyle believed her capable of, departed though not until she’d told her horrible house mates and the manic mac wearing Sonya and former beau Lucas that she knew all about Jade and Kyle’s secret naked adult shenanigans. Inevitable over-the-top manic-mac-wearing-sisterly concern ensued which led to denials, soccer, drinks with flirty soccer playing nurses, sisterly confessions, and general lovelorn mopiness.

Poor Dr Kennedy has spent the week wondering whether his wife Susan Kennedy will ever forgive him for his totally reasonable reaction to her over-the-top hand holding in an absolutely non-romantic way with the dearly departed Jim (she’s still in Anglesea). Such woeful wonderings led to miserable microwave meals for one, hypothetical driving lessons with stationery and cooking utensils, sobbing on sofas, the issuing of incorrect, patient-killing-doses-of-insulin-type prescriptions, and luckily an astute and formerly flirty soccer playing nurse. In an unusual show of goodwill, Dr Smarm covered Dr K’s back, smiling his smarmy “I’m so damned handsome it’s a crime” smile and telling the astute and formerly flirty soccer playing nurse that he’d issued the prescription (which somehow made it all ok). Alas such career saving goodwill came at a terrible, terrible price – Dr K had to introduce the ambitious Rhys to Erinsborough Hospital’s head of surgery during a game of golf.

Tash, the recently drowned but now much better daughter of the forlorn surfing headteacher Michael, is still hearing the sea and experiencing weird camera-zoomy-effect-type dizziness. Water in the ears? Brain tumour? (Summer’s suggestion – though everybody knows if you have a brain tumour you start chatting to people who don’t exist – ask Paul). Stress? An inherited medical condition from the long deceased mother she doesn’t remember and whom her dad rarely talks about? A repressed memory of some tragic event in the past? Newly developing cool superhero type powers? Alas, Tash can’t ask her dad as he’s gone off on his annual surfing holiday with an imaginary, barbecuing, surfer-dude friend named Ritchie – not a brain tumour related companion but Michael’s cunning cover story for a solitary pilgrimage with a little wooden box to the coast to sprinkle flower petals in the sea, look even more forlorn than usual, and read newspaper cuttings concerning a drowned woman (I’d tell you more but I couldn’t read it fast enough).

Callum, biological son of the manic mac wearing Sonya and adopted son of Toadie, is feeling all dejected and alone. His parents are out at work all day either fulfilling their green fingered lifelong dreams of a few weeks or toadying to the boss (sorry). Callum’s best friend Sophie, unimpressed by his futile attempt at playing the drums, spends her weekends strumming the same tedious tune on her guitar over and over and over again in an equally futile attempt to impress the wearer of the floppy woollen/cotton/acrylic-type-blend hat who is secretly besotted with her sister Kate, the dancing trainee teacher who works in Harold’s Store.

And finally…. Desperate to impress his employer after a shaky start at the firm of big shot city solicitors, Toadie has been inviting the boss to dinner, working weekends, interrupting newly engaged and loved up councillors’ romantic dinners for two, and has now taken on some project concerning a proposed new shopping centre and hotel in Erinsborough. Oh the controversy. Oh the moral and ethical dilemmas. Oh the potentially disastrous impact this could have on existing businesses in Erinsborough. Oh I wonder if there’ll be a Starbucks? They do rather nice cinnamon swirls with cream cheese frosting. Toadie has yet to tell anyone he knows what he knows, though the disgruntled one-legged hotelier, having discovered that Toadie works for the big shot solicitors, now knows that he knows more than he knows but just how much more he knows he doesn’t yet know.

Puzzle of the week:

The recurring musical instrument playing puzzle: How can Sophie’s guitar playing be heard throughout Ramsay Street, even in detached houses with the doors and windows shut?

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