Archive | February, 2012

Previously on Neighbours…

26 Feb

View of Pin Oak Court, (also known as Ramsay S...

Stupid Cupid

The evil one-legged Paul Robinson discovered that his sullen bass playing niece Sophie was seeing a boy named Corey (long story which resulted in yet more I-hate-you-type-sisterly-shouting) and forbade any such future seeings. But his oddly Scottish/Aussie accented son Andrew Robinson, having learnt that Corey’s older brother is a member of Red Cotton, is encouraging the young couple to continue their romance in secret in the hope that this will create an opportunity for him to manage the band and make his fortune.

Chris Pappas

Missed opportunities, sneaky business arrangements, fallings out and resignations

Afraid of jeopardising newly harmonious Greek father/son relations and terrified of entering into his first romantic relationship with a bloke, Chris Pappas turned down a date with Aiden the gay nurse. Alas, just when he’d finally resolved to ask the floppy haired, black eyed nurse out (don’t ask) he discovered Aiden had started dating a barman. Kyle Canning started paying the enterprising Callum to deliver The Erinsborough News with sneakily secreted flyers for his business in an attempt to boost demand for his handyman skills. There was yet more Jade and Kyle relationship angst, this time of the you-blabbed-to-my-sister-about-my-ex-how-could-you? kind (everything’s fine again… for now). And fed up with all the meetings and paperwork Michael Williams resigned as head teacher of Erinsborough High to concentrate on doing what he loves best; actual teaching/surfing all the live long day (delete as appropriate).

Sonya Mitchell

Skip if of a nervous disposition

Sonya, the giant smock wearing, green fingered recovering something-or-other, confessed to an uninterested Jade, a startled Susan, and later her very own beloved Toadie (after some mid afternoon lawyer/plantswoman-naked-adult-shennanigans-of-the-birds-and-the-bees-jumbo-jet-speeding-train-fountains-and-fireworks-montage-kind), that she had thrown away her contraceptive-type-pills away months ago and that despite all the “practising” that had gone on since had failed to become pregnant.

Darcy Tyler

And finally…

The dastardly Doctor Rhys Lawson plummeted new depths of diabolically despicable deviousness in his quest to claim his rightful place on the surgeon training programme. Having ensnared the unsuspecting Erin with his devilishly dazzling good looks he proceeded with the next stage of his cunning plan – to make the poor girl continuously late for lectures by plying her with drink late into the night and altering the alarm clock settings on her phone. “Didn’t Kate, the former dancer/disgraced former trainee teacher/part time assistant in Harold’s/part time party girl, inform Erin of the smarmy doctor’s plan?” you cry. She did. “And?” She slapped him, hard. “So the smug and smarmy doctor was thwarted in his Robinsonesque plan of pure evilness?” Err…not exactly. He told Erin that Kate was a madly jealous ex who couldn’t bare to see the drop dead gorgeous doctor with another woman and would do or say anything to scupper his chances of finding true love again. “And she believed him?” Naturally.

Karl Kennedy

Still, it looked like his efforts had all been in vain as Erin, having been issued with warnings of the turn-up-late-for-a-lecture-again-and-you’re-off-the-programme kind, reluctantly decided to end things with Rhys to focus on her studies. Well, half-hearted dumping led, as it usually does, to late-night-champagne-soaked-sleeve-type-kissing, sleepovers, hasty I’ve-got-to-get-to-a-lecture-and-have-no-time-to-change-and-by-the-way-you’re-dumped-again-farewells, sulking, somebody-reeks-of-champagne-at-work-observations, devious grins and not-so-innocent suggestions to a gullible Dr Kennedy that a certain trainee surgeon may have a drinking problem. “He didn’t?” He did. Jessica, the head of the training programme, later suggested Erin take some time off to sort herself out, the sensitive young doctor had an I-can’t-take-this-anymore-I-quit-trainee-surgeon melt down and Rhys immediately asked whether he could take her place on the programme. “So the smarmy Lawson succeeded in his diabolically despicable and devious plan then?” Looks like it. However, Dr K has now twigged that he was but a pawn in the loathsome Lawson’s scheming and he doesn’t look very happy about it. Not very happy at all.


Smarmy doctors, framed lawyers and naked mechanics… yes it’s another Neighbours recap

19 Feb

Missed Neighbours last week? Then you missed Red Cotton concerts to raise money to re-pay one-legged fathers for funding the removal of embarressing tattoos, guilt-ridden uni celebrations, surprisingly supportive Greek fathers, former stand-in headteacher/intrepid reporter bonding and sullen bass playing teenagers. You also missed…

Cunning career furthering wooing

Determined to claim his rightful place on the surgeon training programme and make his sick, wheelchair-bound mother truly proud, the smarmy Dr Darcy… sorry Dr Lawson… moved on to his next victim, the pretty but supposedly plain Erin. Using only his stunning good looks, winning personality and Facebook, the dastardly Doctor began to woo the shy trainee surgeon over coffees at Charlie’s. Naturally the unsuspecting Erin began to fall for the smarmy Rhys (the poor girl never stood a chance) but a suspicious Kate (the former dancer/former trainee teacher/part time assistant in Harold’s/part time party animal (long story)/former Lawson conquest) has sussed his cunning plan and judging from her look of disgust will attempt to scupper the devious doctor’s despicable scheme.

Starsky and Crutch

Photo of David Soul and Paul Michael Glazer fr...

Lucas Fitzgerald decided to turn detective and attempted to track down the fiend that had bashed his apprentice Chris Pappas (who’s much better now apart from suffering panic attacks of the afraid-to-set-foot-in-Fitzgerald-Motors-zoomy-camera-effect kind). Well one thing led, with a little help from his trusty sidekick Kyle “Crutches” Canning, to another which led to greyhound racing stakeouts, confrontations, police cars, interrogations, shocking claims, a cunning plan, the clearing of a disgraced lawyer’s name, the arrest of the nasty Peter Noonan, and joyful all’s-well-that-ends-well-hugging.

Alas, despite having been proved innocent of all evil wrongdoings, the new partners at the firm of city lawyers decided they didn’t want poor Toadie back and offered him a generous sum of money to stay away and never speak of the murky goings-on which everyone already knew had gone on. But a determined Toadie would have none of this. Why? Because he’d grown to love the big shot city lawyer life, love it, and though he hated to sound immodest, he was damned good at what he did.

Toadfish Rebecchi

So the ever-so-talented/ever-so-deluded Toadie (delete as appropriate) offered the red headed spokeswoman of the firm Charlotte an ultimatum; they either gave him back his job or he’d sue them. What was that? Did she laugh hysterically and engage in “ooh-we’re-really-scared”-type mockings? Err… no. They gave him back his job… no, they really did.

And finally…

Things aren’t looking too promising for Lucas and the rather attractive hairdresser/beautician/part time model for naked arty-type photos, Emilia Jovanovic. What was that? You didn’t know she modelled naked for arty-type photos? Oh she’s been doing it for years apparently. Hmm? No, we didn’t get to see any, though Lucas, Limpalot and Michael did. Lucky sods? Quite. Anyway, unimpressed by Fitzgerald’s rather Victorian reaction to her part time modelling career, Emilia decided to end things but was soon won over by an apologetic and briefly naked mechanic and his large toolbox (don’t ask). However, Emilia’s flashbacks of the surfing-in-the-garden-and-hugging-on-the-beach-with-her-surfer-dude-brother-in-law kind and her decision not to accompany the dismayed Lucas to Sydney to visit Dan (his brother, former rival in love and motorbike racing, and father of the baby of his banged up last true love Steph Scully), don’t suggest happily-ever-after besottedness.

Previously on Neighbours…

12 Feb


Ingenious surgery, sick wheelchair-bound mothers and cunning plans

Having discovered the lifeless form of Chris Pappas at the garage the smarmy Dr Rhys Lawson was forced to operate there and then using only a Stanley knife, some rubber tubing, a toilet roll tube and some sticky-back plastic. Oh how the nurses did gaze at him with awe and wonder when they learned how he had saved the life of the young apprentice mechanic. Oh how he did delight in retelling such lifesaving exploits to his proud sick wheelchair-bound mother (yes I’d forgotten about her too). But oh how he did grimace when his proud sick wheelchair-bound mother did declare how thankful Erinsborough Hospital must be to have such a clever, clever man as he on the surgeon training programme.

Marching into the head of the surgeon training programme’s office Dr Lawson demanded she allow him to join the programme that very day because he was, lets face it, totally awesome. Alas this did not lead to we-were-fools-to-turn-you-down-come-join-us-Dr-Lawson-type congratulations but to rejections of the you’re-an-arrogant-smarmy-git-who’ll–just-have-to-reapply-for-the-programme-next-year-unless-one-of-the-trainee-surgeons-should-happen-to-fall-under-a-bus-in-the-near-future kind. What was that? Err, no he didn’t – I think there’s some doctorly hippocratic oath forbidding the pushing of trainee surgeons under buses. Instead, the cunning doctor decided to befriend one of the successful candidates and attempt to convince him to drop out. How? Psychology that’s how. Did it work? No, failed miserably.

Toadfish Rebecchi

I’m innocent, innocent I tell you!

Framed by his nasty boss Peter Noonan, Toadie was arrested by the dodgy detective with the Scottish accent, Taggart, and charged with orchestrating the bashing of Chris. In desperation Toadie turned to the evil one legged boo-hiss-he’s-behind-you Paul Robinson for help in his fight to prove his innocence. But just as Limpalot looked as though he was about to unearth evidence that might save Toadie’s neck the Council pulled the plug on the Shopping Centre project, a jubilant Robinson lost all interest in helping the disgraced lawyer and one particular viewer lost his rag over his lousy tv reception (seriously, is digital tv really better than analogue?)

Bouncer (Neighbours)

Custody battles, flirty surfing, relationship issues, tattoo revelations and absolutely no double entendres

Karl and Susan bickered over who got to keep Summer now that they’d split (again) and it looked like we were heading for a re-enactment of that iconic scene where Bouncer had to choose between Mike and Mrs Mangle. In the end Dr K won/lost (delete as appropriate) much to the dismay of a rejected Mrs K.

Michael Williams (Neighbours)

The recuperating surfer-dude head teacher Michael Williams spent the week grinning his goofy lovestruck grin at Emilia, the rather attractive and increasingly part-time beautician/hairdresser and girlfriend of Lucas Fitzgerald, the former motorcycle racing champion/exhibiting photographer/mechanic. After a bit of reminiscing and surfing in the garden (long story) it looks as though the pair may be heading for a re-enactment of the naked adult shenanigans of yesteryear in the back of the Sandman (minus the drowning wife and daughter of course).

Jade Mitchell

Just when you thought Jade Mitchell and Kyle the handyman had finally got it together the crippled personal trainer (don’t ask) now has issues of the I-can’t-act-as-though-we’re-a-proper-couple-or-cook-you-breakfast-because-I-was-bashed-about-by-an-ex-kind.

Chris Pappas

And Chris Pappas, high on painkillers, confessed that the unfortunate mix up over the oddly Scottish/Aussie accented Andrew Robinson’s Chinese ‘Pickles’ tattoo had in fact been a deliberate schoolies jape then apologised to Summer for the whole dating-her-when-he-knew-he-was-gay-thing a year or so ago, admitted he didn’t like her muffin and asked Aiden the gay nurse for a sausage roll. Hang on a second…

Last week on Neighbours…

5 Feb


Ticket to ride

Kyle the handyman took the news of Jade’s naked-adult-shenanigans-with-no-strings-attached with the now departed Mal Kennedy rather badly (I know, shocking). Despite tearfully confessing to her beloved that she loved him, had loved him for months and had only rejected his declarations of love and slept with the pig keeper in a desperate attempt to get over such feelings, an unmoved Kyle told the personal trainer that he could never ever forgive her. Faced with such spurnings and keen to avoid further earache of the hysterically-judgemental-smock-wearing-sisterly kind, Jade fled to the city to catch a bus heading to yet another city unaware that her beloved handyman had, upon further reflection, decided to forgive her after all and was in hot pursuit. Oh the edge of the seat will-they/won’t-they-Christmas-carol-filled minutes of drama that followed. Oh the heart warming joyous uniting of the handyman and the personal trainer in mutual besottedness. Oh thank God that storyline is finally over.

Karl Kennedy

Caught between goodbye and I love you

A crushed and tearful Karl Kennedy was reluctantly forced to accept that his wife no longer loved him in a ransacking-of-the-blue-box-kind-of-way after one of those trapped-in-a-storage-container-heart-to-hearts (long story). Susan, keen to put some considerable distance between herself and her heartbroken hubby and begin a new Dr K-less carefree chapter in her life has now decided to pack up her bags and… move in with Toadie.

Chris Pappas


Chris “Freckles” Pappas was bashed over the head with a spanner by the mysterious individual who had been secretly observing the goings-on at Fitzgerald Motors. Well, one thing led to another which led to hospital, gay Spice Girl loving nurse-type ministrations, ill-advised dischargings, red herrings, concerned Greek fathers, CCTV footage, lucky coincidences, accusations of the hiring-of-thugs-by-dodgy-city-lawyers-to-persuade-mechanics-to-sell-up-and-allow-the-Shopping-Centre-to-proceed kind, shocking impending-life-in-peril-type x-ray results and some rather ropey broken-rib-punctures-lung-putting-life-in-peril-type acting.

Michael Williams (Neighbours)

And finally…

The recuperating surfer-dude head teacher Michael Williams, his less troublesome of late daughter Tash and the rather attractive hairdresser/beautician/sister-in-law/aunty Emilia drove to the beach where the former Serbian beauty queen wife/mother/sister had drowned whilst trying to save the life of Tash all those years ago. Keen for some alone time to reflect on drowned mothers and stare forlornly into the middle distance, Tash went for a stroll leaving a guilty Michael and Emilia to ponder whether Helena would have still been alive today if they hadn’t been engaged in naked adult shenanigans in the back of the Sandman and the viewer to ponder whether Emilia (who seemed rather taken with Lucas’s wooing in the back of his van a few weeks back) has a bit of a thing for men with utility vehicles.