Archive | April, 2012

Previously on Neighbours…

29 Apr

Missed Neighbours over the past few weeks? Then you missed dodgy kitchen tile dealing, recycled emotional motor bike riding angst, stand-in lawyering of the Councillor Kapoor variety, toe-curlingly embarrassing oh-for-the-love-of-God-stop “Free As A River” funeral duetting, spaghetti bolognese farce, fake fun run injuries, and a singing Sophie and her damned guitar strumming. You also missed…

Jade Mitchell

Sperm promoting relaxation techniques, the besting of a dastardly doctor and aimless frolicking

The spermalogically challenged Toadie sneakily took on extra work at the firm of big shot city lawyers after finding it more relaxing than spending time with Sonya and Callum in their newly renovated home, much to the secret dismay of his green-fingered beloved. Dr Smarmy’s attempts to use his evil superpowers of psychology and good looks to lure Jade into his bed backfired when the personal trainer twigged his cunning plan and belted him in the stomach. And Kate continued to do pretty much bugger all other than gaze at Kyle in secret adoration whilst frolicking about in her new outfits. What was that? Does she still intend to steal him away from Jade? Who knows.

Karl Kennedy

Musical mutiny, earache and jealous dumping

Andrew Robinson reluctantly agreed to Red Cotton’s demand for more money after they threatened to pull out of the gig their skint oddly Aussie/Scottish accented manager had arranged for them at Charlie’s. Summer Annoyland demanded to know why Andrew hadn’t shared his latest business woes with her and upon discovering he wanted to keep their working and private lives separate demanded to know what they’d talk about in the evenings. And head surgeon Alice the Goon dumped Karl after learning (a) his estranged wife had spent the day helping the distraught doctor deal with the death of a close friend he hadn’t seen or spoken to in years and (b) Susan would always play a significant role in Dr K’s life especially now they’d spilt and the scriptwriters were creating endless opportunities for the pair to have will-they-won’t-they-get-it-on-again-moments.

Michael Williams (Neighbours)

And finally…

Tash finally discovered the shockingly sordid truth about the day her Serbian beauty queen mother Helena drowned all those years ago. Hmm? No really, she did! Keen to rid herself of feelings of guilt the rather attractive Serbian beautician/hairdresser/model for arty naked photos/white witch Emilia decided to engage in wickeny rituals of the burning-confessional-“It’s my fault Helena died”-notes-on-the-barbecue kind. But alas, cruel fate intervened when, unbeknown to Emilia, a sneaky breeze whisked one such note away only to be discovered by Tash (what were the odds?). Demanding to know what the note meant Michael finally confessed all.

Natasha Williams (Neighbours)

Well shocking revelations naturally led to tearful “you both make me sick” shoutings, some distraught driving, daughterly revenge of the setting-light-to-the-Sandman kind (briefly mistaken for wronged mechanicerly revenge of the setting-light-to-the-Sandman kind but ultimately explained away to the police as stupidity of the accidental-setting-light-to-the-Sandman-after-teacher/beautician-romantic-candle-lit-wooing kind), movings out, fatherly pleadings for forgiveness and icy “I have no father” rejections. “Gosh.” Quite. Anyway, Emilia decided to flee to Serbia convinced her presence was making things worse and Michael, having packed all his worldly belongings into just the one bag, decided to join her in order to give his daughter the time and space she needs to forgive him / enjoy guilt free naked adult relations with his beloved and spare himself any future Tashtrums (delete as appropriate).

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In no more than 100 words recap last week’s goings-on in Neighbours…

15 Apr

View of Pin Oak Court, (also known as Ramsay S...

There was sperm-sample-race-against-the-clock farce and failed evil one-legged attempts to “buy” a campaigning councillor Ajay Kapoor. Summer was hired as Erinsborough News online editor-something-or-other after boosting paper sales with thrilling stories of the proposed-new-community-centre-will-result-in-the-scrapping-of-the-local-Police-Station kind. A guilt-ridden Kate temporarily scuppered the dastardly doctor’s plan to break up Jyle and pondered which new top to wear. Oddly Aussie/Scottish accented manager-type attempts to promote Red Cotton concerts at Charlie’s led to recycled way-dornt-yooze-or-may-daaah-ever-sepport-may mornings/moaning. And Lucas, having accidentally discovered Emilia and Michael together, shouted a bit, drank a lot and one-night-standed a rather attractive woman who served up a mean omelette.

Naked adult shenanigans and dastardly doctorly doings

9 Apr

Movings on, apologies, eeee-yew type stuff and surprisingly fast plot development.

Susan moved out of the sperm promoting seaweed smoothie drinking Toadie’s house and into the Kennedy storage container/a new apartment (delete as appropriate), thrilled at the prospect of living alone and having the opportunity to discover herself and not remotely bothered that her estranged hubby Karl has reluctantly started dating his much taller fun-run partner and smitten colleague Jessica, the head of surgery.

Summer Hoyland

Summer embarked on a campaign to convince Limpalot to give her a job at the Erinsborough News, apologised to Tash for causing her father’s collapse with all the fake pregnancy/dating a slimy gardener/online topless photos/graffiti/selling treasured Bad Love albums to fund a nose job/near death swimming pool antics/genealogical research type grief she’d put him through (hang on…) and advised her mathletic friend how to deal with her dad’s recent revelation that he and her aunty were in love and wanted to be together. Hmm? How the heck did that come about? Well…

Michael Williams (Neighbours)

Emila became stranded in a car park without a car (don’t ask) and phoned the previously spurned surfer-dude for assistance. A grinning Michael leapt into the Sandman and after a brief ignition problem of the obvious-sign-posting-of-future-ignition-problem-plot kind sped off to rescue his beloved. What was that? Did the Sandman fail to start once Michael had picked up the rather attractive hairdresser/beautician? Funnily enough it did and having phoned Fitzgerald Motors breakdown recovery service the pair decided to pass the time engaged in naked adult shenanigans of yesteryear (as you do).

Natasha Williams (Neighbours)

The young gay apprentice mechanic Chris Pappas soon arrived on the scene and upon discovering a pink and presumably still warm bra in the front of the Sandman twigged what Michael and Emilia had been up to and later advised his former surfer-dude head teacher to tell Tash what was going on (minus the sordid details). And rather surprisingly Michael did. After a brief “Oh how could you have kept this from me” tantrum Tash has now accepted the situation though is still unaware that the pair had once engaged in adulterous naked adult shenanigans in the Sandman which had contributed to the drowning of her tiara wearing Serbian beauty queen mother. “And what of Lucas?” Oh he still has no idea that his ex beloved and best mate are together but I’m sure he’ll take it really well. Really well indeed.

Despicably cunning plans

Darcy Tyler

Vaguely determined to steal the handyman she’d always loved but didn’t realise she’d always loved from her friend without actually stealing the handyman from her friend, because that would just be horrid, the sweet and innocent Kate “jokingly” bet the dastardly Dr Rhys Lawson, that though most women were incapable of resisting his smarmy charms he would never be able to seduce Jade. Sneaky? Quite. Well, one thing led, as it so often does, to another which inevitably led to bare chests, laundry sabotage, reluctant agreeings to meet granny Canning, large bills for the care of secret sick wheelchair bound mothers, laundry rage, cutting “rich mummy’s boy” put downs and vengeful doctorly determinations to scupper the personal trainer’s happiness.

Jade Mitchell

Using his evil psychological super powers, the smarmy trainee surgeon convinced Jade that it was far too early for her to meet any of Kyle’s family, let alone his granny, and that he, unlike her beloved handyman, truly understood how she felt about such matters for he was, let’s face it, a damned nice fellow as well as devastatingly good looking, and to prove it handed her a new white top to replace the one that he’d “accidentally” ruined with his pink shirt. And? Well she appeared a bit baffled by such acts of apologetic top giving, which is presumably what the loathsome Lawson intended and will somehow lead to unlikely lustful longings before too long.

Puzzle of the week: A minor one, but had Chris obtained a school pass from reception before going to see Michael or had the scriptwriters forgotten this previously unheard of rule they were so keen to bang on about the other week?

Previously on Neighbours…

1 Apr

Missed Neighbours last week? Then you certainly didn’t miss any friendly waving, perfect blending or being-there-for-one-anotherliness. You did miss…

Lou Carpenter

Dodgy scams

Lou’s fake shuffle-board-neck-injury-insurance-claim-scam backfired and having blown all his money on his cruise he now looks set to fiddle the accounts of the Dial-a-Kyle business in order to cream off the profits.

Sophie Ramsay

School woes

Summer decided to pack in school following spotty youth you’re-a-cheat-type taunting. And The Brat (aka Sophie) was told she could go back to Erinsborough High if she apologised for vandalising the girls’ toilets. But the sullen, purple highlighted, nose ringed, bass playing teenager was all “I’m like so not sorry for that” and ended up being packed off to Eden Hills Grammar School by her despairing one legged legal guardian Paul Robinson where she had a miserable time but is like so not going to admit that to her uncle.

Toadfish Rebecchi

Manly DIY

In a desperate attempt to prove he was a man the spermalogically challenged Toadie decided to undertake a bit of DIY of the bashing-a-large-hole-in-a-wall-to-make-a-fire-place kind and did his back in. Despite failing to impress his green fingered beloved Jarrad did manage to impress his boss Charlotte with some improvised standing up big shot lawyer type business negotiations (long story).

Lucas Fitzgerald

The surfer dude, the Serbian and the mechanic

Michael struggled to suppress a gleeful grin when a depressed Lucas informed him that Emilia had dumped him. But gleeful grinnings were soon replaced by forlorn frownings when the rather attractive hairdresser/beautician/occasional naked model for arty type photos told the surfer-dude English teacher she wasn’t yet ready to resume their relationship of yesteryear. And what of the heartbroken mechanic? Well according to Kyle he’s entered the denial stage of the break up having taken Emilia’s “it’s not you it’s me” explanation for dumping him as a hopeful sign that she’ll take him back. What was that? Didn’t he use the same line when breaking up with the flaky florist? I think he did.

Kate Ramsay

And finally…

It was a rare angst free week for the personal trainer and the handy man. And get this, Jade even engaged in unashamed public signs of affection with her beloved and reminisced in front of her boot camp for fake singles (don’t ask) about the day she and Kyle first met and how, just several short, hassle free months later, they were united in mutual besottedness. Bloody hell? Quite. Naturally such public declarations of besottedness caused the former dancer/disgraced trainee teacher/part-time assistant in Harold’s/permed party girl Kate to suddenly realise that she loved the handyman with all her heart. Sorry? You didn’t know Kate had ever harboured such feelings for Kyle in the past and didn’t she once reject his advances? Err… she hasn’t and you’re right, she did (helpfully recapped by a pre-permed spurning flashback). What’s your point?

Kyle Canning

Anyway, having learned from the smarmy Dr “you’ve got to fight for what you want regardless of who you screw over in the process” Lawson that Kyle had planned to fly to Port Douglas to search for her, Kate has decided she’s going to attempt to steal him away from her friend for how could she live the rest of her life knowing she’d let the only man she’d ever truly loved since the handsome-in-an-obvious-sort-of-way-detective with OCD Mark Brennan slip through her fingers? Hmm? No the cocky chap at Port Douglas the other week was a holiday fling. Doesn’t count apparently.