Missed Neighbours over the past few weeks? Then you missed dodgy kitchen tile dealing, recycled emotional motor bike riding angst, stand-in lawyering of the Councillor Kapoor variety, toe-curlingly embarrassing oh-for-the-love-of-God-stop “Free As A River” funeral duetting, spaghetti bolognese farce, fake fun run injuries, and a singing Sophie and her damned guitar strumming. You also missed…
Sperm promoting relaxation techniques, the besting of a dastardly doctor and aimless frolicking
The spermalogically challenged Toadie sneakily took on extra work at the firm of big shot city lawyers after finding it more relaxing than spending time with Sonya and Callum in their newly renovated home, much to the secret dismay of his green-fingered beloved. Dr Smarmy’s attempts to use his evil superpowers of psychology and good looks to lure Jade into his bed backfired when the personal trainer twigged his cunning plan and belted him in the stomach. And Kate continued to do pretty much bugger all other than gaze at Kyle in secret adoration whilst frolicking about in her new outfits. What was that? Does she still intend to steal him away from Jade? Who knows.
Musical mutiny, earache and jealous dumping
Andrew Robinson reluctantly agreed to Red Cotton’s demand for more money after they threatened to pull out of the gig their skint oddly Aussie/Scottish accented manager had arranged for them at Charlie’s. Summer Annoyland demanded to know why Andrew hadn’t shared his latest business woes with her and upon discovering he wanted to keep their working and private lives separate demanded to know what they’d talk about in the evenings. And head surgeon Alice the Goon dumped Karl after learning (a) his estranged wife had spent the day helping the distraught doctor deal with the death of a close friend he hadn’t seen or spoken to in years and (b) Susan would always play a significant role in Dr K’s life especially now they’d spilt and the scriptwriters were creating endless opportunities for the pair to have will-they-won’t-they-get-it-on-again-moments.
Tash finally discovered the shockingly sordid truth about the day her Serbian beauty queen mother Helena drowned all those years ago. Hmm? No really, she did! Keen to rid herself of feelings of guilt the rather attractive Serbian beautician/hairdresser/model for arty naked photos/white witch Emilia decided to engage in wickeny rituals of the burning-confessional-“It’s my fault Helena died”-notes-on-the-barbecue kind. But alas, cruel fate intervened when, unbeknown to Emilia, a sneaky breeze whisked one such note away only to be discovered by Tash (what were the odds?). Demanding to know what the note meant Michael finally confessed all.
Well shocking revelations naturally led to tearful “you both make me sick” shoutings, some distraught driving, daughterly revenge of the setting-light-to-the-Sandman kind (briefly mistaken for wronged mechanicerly revenge of the setting-light-to-the-Sandman kind but ultimately explained away to the police as stupidity of the accidental-setting-light-to-the-Sandman-after-teacher/beautician-romantic-candle-lit-wooing kind), movings out, fatherly pleadings for forgiveness and icy “I have no father” rejections. “Gosh.” Quite. Anyway, Emilia decided to flee to Serbia convinced her presence was making things worse and Michael, having packed all his worldly belongings into just the one bag, decided to join her in order to give his daughter the time and space she needs to forgive him / enjoy guilt free naked adult relations with his beloved and spare himself any future Tashtrums (delete as appropriate).