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Last week’s events (and a few minor plot detours)

22 Aug

Kennedy marriage in crisis

The Kennedy’s marriage is in trouble yet again, though this time no young brunette/blonde females or former catholic priests are involved, but a dying builder named Jim whom Susan Kennedy (formerly Kinski formerly Kennedy) has decided to dedicate her life to caring for during his final few weeks, jeopardising a planned, romance-rekindling expedition to Peru with her golf playing, guitar strumming husband, Dr Karl Kennedy.

Jim the builder was employed by the now departed Lyn Scully, former hairdresser turned ever so slightly unhinged owner of Harold’s, to rebuild her house after it was accidentally burnt down by some dodgy fairy lights she’d planned to put on the Christmas tree to ‘accidentally’ burn down her house so that she could claim on the insurance and pay Tim Collins, the nasty lawyer and Toadie’s arch-nemesis, to fight for a reduction in Steph’s sentence for flattening the singing trainee paramedic Ringo, husband of Donna, inventor of the shrugalero. Having put the dodgy fairy lights on the tree and removed the battery from the smoke alarm Lyn then changed her mind, fled home, took the dodgy lights down, shoved them under the couch and returned to Harold’s, her conscience clear.

Alas cruel fate and a horny teenager intervened. Lyn’s step-granddaughter, Summer Hoyland (formerly an annoying, fair and curly-haired daughter of mad Max (ex-husband of Steph), and now an annoying, dark and straight-haired, zombie loving teenager who never seems to visit her poor father) came home, found the dodgy fairy lights under the couch, put them on the Christmas tree and then headed into her bedroom. One thing led to another (which had begun months ago and was getting rather boring by now) which finally led to Andrew Robinson, the no-good, oddly Aussie/Scottish accented son of the evil one legged hotelier and owner of the Erinsborough News, Paul Robinson, climbing through Summer’s bedroom window and being offered more than her last Rolo. Anyway, the tree caught alight, Summer hopefully caught nothing, there was a bit of hysterical wailing from Lyn and eventually Summer and Andrew were rescued along with Tash and Michael (don’t ask). More stuff led to other stuff which led to a calendar of semi-naked Ramsay Street menfolk which led to the hiring of Jim the builder and an escaped giant lizard (long story).

Anyhow, Susan, upon learning that Jim had cancer and no family or significant other to support him, began to accompany him to appointments and chemotherapy sessions at Erinsborough Hospital (discovering a whole new room in the process and a new and smarmy doctor named Rhys Lawson) as well as meeting him for frequent coffees and lunches in Harold’s and Charlie’s, holding his hand in a supportive but absolutely non-romantic manner which could never possibly lead Jim to become a little besotted with her.

In order to continue to hold Jim’s hand in a supportive and non-romantic manner during his illness, Susan lied to her beloved Dr Karl telling him that her boss, the evil, one legged Paul Robinson, would not grant her leave to go to Peru earlier than her thrifty husband had planned. Oh the deceit. Susan then showed Jim’s medical chart to Karl who reluctantly told her that a) Jim’s cancer looked terminal, b) there was little point in him continuing the course of chemotherapy that the smarmy Dr Rhys had recommended and c) Susan wasn’t to tell Jim any of this. Naturally Susan promptly told Jim all of this which led to the end of Jim’s chemotherapy treatments, an annoyed Dr Rhys, an annoyed Dr Karl, the return of their eldest son Mal from London, a leaving meal for Lou Carpenter before heading off to East Timor to supervise the building of schools (what?), the inevitable discovery of the aforementioned lie about leave and a very angry Dr Karl tearing down a map of Peru (which is very clever as it symbolised that both the vacation plans, the actual map/plan of Peru and the Kennedy marriage were in tatters…though I could be over analysing this a bit).

Veggy love

Sonya the trainer of guide dogs for the blind (when the script writers remember) has been spending most of her time over the past few weeks volunteering at the Community Garden helping school kids (who don’t actually seem to spend much time in school) plant veggies. Alas, the council have decided to sell the garden (no thanks to peg-leg Robinson) prompting Sonya, who has become slightly annoying of late, to declare that she wishes to turn her back on training guide dogs for the blind in order to buy and run the Community Garden as there is nothing in the world she loves more than gardening and growing veggies. Toadie, who has recently turned down a lucrative job with a big firm so that he could remain true to himself, has broken the news to her that they don’t have the financial resources to undertake such a crazy scheme. If only Sonya knew that Lucas, her gambling support buddy and best friend, had recently inherited $700,000 from his recently deceased father who had never truly understood him.

Tash and Michael

Trashy Tash, the blonde maths genius, continues to break the heart of her father, Michael, Williams, the surfing head teacher of Erinsborough High. Several months ago she’d embarked on a rather flawed plan: pretending to be pregnant with Andrew’s baby (she’d discovered that her no-good, oddly accented boyfriend had been having a secret affair with Summer and was about to dump her). A pregnancy testing kit and a felt tip pen fooled them all initially but thankfully Summer figured out that the photo of Tash’s ultrasound was a fake which was a relief as the next part of Tash’s plan would probably have involved shoving a cushion up her top. Poor old Michael, who always goes surfing when feeling hurt or betrayed, had finally started to trust her again when she started dating Ivan the terrible, a much older and rather slimy gardener at the nearby university who had a thing for younger girls and his own car. One thing led to another which led to the texting of some saucy pictures to her beloved, the appearance of these saucy pics online, ridicule from the rest of the school, lots more surfing, and a cunning plan by Tash to regain the sympathy of classmates and the love of her father by defacing the houses and cars of Ramsay Street with unflattering yet totally true statements about herself with a can of yellow spray paint. The cunning plan seemed to work, but alas, Tash left the can of paint in the wheelie bin where it was discovered by her despairing dad. Michael, fuming at yet more deceit and a little damp from all the surfing, is now pretending he no longer cares what his troublesome, mathletic, ‘look at me’, nightmare-of-a-daughter does.

And finally….

Jade Mitchell, personal fitness instructor to anyone who may further the plot and the vaguely annoying sister of the increasingly annoying and green fingered Sonya, is still oddly besotted with her house mate Kyle the handyman, who is still besotted with Kate the former dancer/full-time assistant in Harold’s Store and occasional trainee teacher, who has become less besotted with the recently departed Mark Brennan, the good looking-in-an-obvious-sort-of-way detective with OCD, having had a drunken one night stand with the smarmy Dr Rhys.

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