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Neighbours: Now and Then

11 Mar

Paul Robinson (Neighbours)Now

Paul learned of Kyle and Callum’s Dial-a-Kyle flyer scam and demanded reimbursement from the handyman and the immediate resignation of the secretly chuffed paperboy (short-lived chuffedness as he’s now been employed by his mum on the nursery).

Emilia the beautician/hairdresser/part time naked model for arty-type photos twigged that the surfer-dude English teacher Michael was still hopelessly besotted with her and after a brief heart-to-heart shared a passionate classroom kiss with her former beloved.

There was yet more handyman/personal trainer angst when Jade informed Kyle that he was a pushover especially where Kate and dying plants were concerned (don’t ask).

Kate Ramsay

Thelma and Louise began their carefree holiday in Port Douglas. Erin enjoyed sun, sand and naked adult shenanigans with a barman, while a frizzy haired Kate (what’s going on there?) embarked on a Mills and Boon type you’re-a-cocky-prat-of-a-tour-guide-who-dropped-my-phone-in-a-swimming-pool-conveniently-leaving-me-completely-cut-off-from-any-younger-sister-strife-at-home-but-despite-all-this-I-desire-you-anyway romance.

Sophie Ramsay

Sophie conned her way into helping her oddly Scottish/Aussie accented cousin film a video for Red Cotton in Erinsborough High and ended up trashing the girls’ loos (a minor how-could-my-sister-leave-without-saying-goodbye-even-though-I-hate-her-but-really-still-love-her-abandonment-issue-type-meltdown). Impressed with the final angry teen video footage Red Cotton hired Andrew as their manager (cue how-could-you-exploit-your-cousin-yet-again-don’t-you-want-to-go-to-uni-outrage from Summer and way-doornt-yooze-ever-sapport-me-woman exasperation from Andrew) while Sophie, after some rather expensive laws-of-physics-defying bass playing (long story) was expelled from school and, thanks to Dr Smug, is to be packed off to an orphanage by Roz the social worker unless Uncle Peg Leg can track Kate down. Thankfully Paul found Kate’s Apple laptop (other brands are available, thought not in Erinsborough) which rather conveniently brought up her travel arrangements when he logged on.

Toadfish Rebecchi

And Sonya and Toadie engaged in a bit of baby-making secretary/lawyer role play at the firm of big shot lawyers and were naturally caught in the act by Toadie’s new boss Charlotte. Keen to make it back into Charlotte’s good books Toadie worked late and joined in with the firm’s policy of fun Friday partying, much to the dismay and annoyance of his ovulating and keen to re-decorate green fingered beloved who, in a fit of frenzied decorating rage, accidentally bashed a hole in the wall.

Max Hoyland

Sky Mangel

Carmella Cammeniti

Katya Kinski

Then (16 January 2007)

Mad Max has escaped the mental hospital, hopped on a bus and vanished into the night leaving behind his bereft family. Four new people moved into Number 30: the former nightclubbing nun’s sister Rosie (a lawyer who works with Toadie), a backpacker named Will (who has more money than he’s letting on), and a couple who are pretending to be engaged – Pepper (PE teacher and daughter of the only policeman in Erinsborough) and Frazer (a professional gambler). All highly intriguing. The odd cousin of Carmella who befriended the pregnant Sky in hospital is still acting a bit deranged. Stingray has turned back to the bottle. Carmella made a desperate play for the plank of wood known as Ned much to the annoyance of Katya, the former glamour model of Tibetan roots, who has claimed Ned as her own. And Harold, having taken an interest in Janelle’s mother, is back on the dating scene (shudder).

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Smarmy doctors, framed lawyers and naked mechanics… yes it’s another Neighbours recap

19 Feb
Neighbours

Missed Neighbours last week? Then you missed Red Cotton concerts to raise money to re-pay one-legged fathers for funding the removal of embarressing tattoos, guilt-ridden uni celebrations, surprisingly supportive Greek fathers, former stand-in headteacher/intrepid reporter bonding and sullen bass playing teenagers. You also missed…

Cunning career furthering wooing

Determined to claim his rightful place on the surgeon training programme and make his sick, wheelchair-bound mother truly proud, the smarmy Dr Darcy… sorry Dr Lawson… moved on to his next victim, the pretty but supposedly plain Erin. Using only his stunning good looks, winning personality and Facebook, the dastardly Doctor began to woo the shy trainee surgeon over coffees at Charlie’s. Naturally the unsuspecting Erin began to fall for the smarmy Rhys (the poor girl never stood a chance) but a suspicious Kate (the former dancer/former trainee teacher/part time assistant in Harold’s/part time party animal (long story)/former Lawson conquest) has sussed his cunning plan and judging from her look of disgust will attempt to scupper the devious doctor’s despicable scheme.

Starsky and Crutch

Photo of David Soul and Paul Michael Glazer fr...

Lucas Fitzgerald decided to turn detective and attempted to track down the fiend that had bashed his apprentice Chris Pappas (who’s much better now apart from suffering panic attacks of the afraid-to-set-foot-in-Fitzgerald-Motors-zoomy-camera-effect kind). Well one thing led, with a little help from his trusty sidekick Kyle “Crutches” Canning, to another which led to greyhound racing stakeouts, confrontations, police cars, interrogations, shocking claims, a cunning plan, the clearing of a disgraced lawyer’s name, the arrest of the nasty Peter Noonan, and joyful all’s-well-that-ends-well-hugging.

Alas, despite having been proved innocent of all evil wrongdoings, the new partners at the firm of city lawyers decided they didn’t want poor Toadie back and offered him a generous sum of money to stay away and never speak of the murky goings-on which everyone already knew had gone on. But a determined Toadie would have none of this. Why? Because he’d grown to love the big shot city lawyer life, love it, and though he hated to sound immodest, he was damned good at what he did.

Toadfish Rebecchi

So the ever-so-talented/ever-so-deluded Toadie (delete as appropriate) offered the red headed spokeswoman of the firm Charlotte an ultimatum; they either gave him back his job or he’d sue them. What was that? Did she laugh hysterically and engage in “ooh-we’re-really-scared”-type mockings? Err… no. They gave him back his job… no, they really did.

And finally…

Things aren’t looking too promising for Lucas and the rather attractive hairdresser/beautician/part time model for naked arty-type photos, Emilia Jovanovic. What was that? You didn’t know she modelled naked for arty-type photos? Oh she’s been doing it for years apparently. Hmm? No, we didn’t get to see any, though Lucas, Limpalot and Michael did. Lucky sods? Quite. Anyway, unimpressed by Fitzgerald’s rather Victorian reaction to her part time modelling career, Emilia decided to end things but was soon won over by an apologetic and briefly naked mechanic and his large toolbox (don’t ask). However, Emilia’s flashbacks of the surfing-in-the-garden-and-hugging-on-the-beach-with-her-surfer-dude-brother-in-law kind and her decision not to accompany the dismayed Lucas to Sydney to visit Dan (his brother, former rival in love and motorbike racing, and father of the baby of his banged up last true love Steph Scully), don’t suggest happily-ever-after besottedness.

Previously on Neighbours…

12 Feb

Neighbours

Ingenious surgery, sick wheelchair-bound mothers and cunning plans

Having discovered the lifeless form of Chris Pappas at the garage the smarmy Dr Rhys Lawson was forced to operate there and then using only a Stanley knife, some rubber tubing, a toilet roll tube and some sticky-back plastic. Oh how the nurses did gaze at him with awe and wonder when they learned how he had saved the life of the young apprentice mechanic. Oh how he did delight in retelling such lifesaving exploits to his proud sick wheelchair-bound mother (yes I’d forgotten about her too). But oh how he did grimace when his proud sick wheelchair-bound mother did declare how thankful Erinsborough Hospital must be to have such a clever, clever man as he on the surgeon training programme.

Marching into the head of the surgeon training programme’s office Dr Lawson demanded she allow him to join the programme that very day because he was, lets face it, totally awesome. Alas this did not lead to we-were-fools-to-turn-you-down-come-join-us-Dr-Lawson-type congratulations but to rejections of the you’re-an-arrogant-smarmy-git-who’ll–just-have-to-reapply-for-the-programme-next-year-unless-one-of-the-trainee-surgeons-should-happen-to-fall-under-a-bus-in-the-near-future kind. What was that? Err, no he didn’t – I think there’s some doctorly hippocratic oath forbidding the pushing of trainee surgeons under buses. Instead, the cunning doctor decided to befriend one of the successful candidates and attempt to convince him to drop out. How? Psychology that’s how. Did it work? No, failed miserably.

Toadfish Rebecchi

I’m innocent, innocent I tell you!

Framed by his nasty boss Peter Noonan, Toadie was arrested by the dodgy detective with the Scottish accent, Taggart, and charged with orchestrating the bashing of Chris. In desperation Toadie turned to the evil one legged boo-hiss-he’s-behind-you Paul Robinson for help in his fight to prove his innocence. But just as Limpalot looked as though he was about to unearth evidence that might save Toadie’s neck the Council pulled the plug on the Shopping Centre project, a jubilant Robinson lost all interest in helping the disgraced lawyer and one particular viewer lost his rag over his lousy tv reception (seriously, is digital tv really better than analogue?)

Bouncer (Neighbours)

Custody battles, flirty surfing, relationship issues, tattoo revelations and absolutely no double entendres

Karl and Susan bickered over who got to keep Summer now that they’d split (again) and it looked like we were heading for a re-enactment of that iconic scene where Bouncer had to choose between Mike and Mrs Mangle. In the end Dr K won/lost (delete as appropriate) much to the dismay of a rejected Mrs K.

Michael Williams (Neighbours)

The recuperating surfer-dude head teacher Michael Williams spent the week grinning his goofy lovestruck grin at Emilia, the rather attractive and increasingly part-time beautician/hairdresser and girlfriend of Lucas Fitzgerald, the former motorcycle racing champion/exhibiting photographer/mechanic. After a bit of reminiscing and surfing in the garden (long story) it looks as though the pair may be heading for a re-enactment of the naked adult shenanigans of yesteryear in the back of the Sandman (minus the drowning wife and daughter of course).

Jade Mitchell

Just when you thought Jade Mitchell and Kyle the handyman had finally got it together the crippled personal trainer (don’t ask) now has issues of the I-can’t-act-as-though-we’re-a-proper-couple-or-cook-you-breakfast-because-I-was-bashed-about-by-an-ex-kind.

Chris Pappas

And Chris Pappas, high on painkillers, confessed that the unfortunate mix up over the oddly Scottish/Aussie accented Andrew Robinson’s Chinese ‘Pickles’ tattoo had in fact been a deliberate schoolies jape then apologised to Summer for the whole dating-her-when-he-knew-he-was-gay-thing a year or so ago, admitted he didn’t like her muffin and asked Aiden the gay nurse for a sausage roll. Hang on a second…

Last week on Neighbours…

19 Dec
Neighbours

Lost in translation

Kate the former dancer/trainee teacher/assistant in Harold’s reluctantly went to Charlie‘s to watch her younger sister Sophie play her first gig with the floppy woolly hatted guitar strumming Noah as part of some “Save PirateNet” rally. All was going surprisingly well guitar strumming wise and Noah finally seemed to have accepted that the kiss hadn’t meant a thing, Kate didn’t love him and nothing was ever going to happen between them, when she told the behatted boy she was sorry how she’d treated him over the past few weeks and could they start again? What was that? Did Ark Boy somehow misinterpret her words as “I’m sorry for playing so hard to get over the past few weeks, I was a fool, I love you and do you still have that bottle of lotion?” Well funnily enough he did.

Kate Ramsay

Keen to have some time alone with his beloved, Noah asked the unsuspecting Kate to accompany him to his van to give him a hand unloading “The Beast”. What was that? No, it’s the name he’s given his large amplifier. Pardon? No, that’s not a euphemism either. Well one thing led, as it so often does, to another which led to poor lifting technique, an attempted kiss, a horrified Kate, a confused Noah, angry arm waving, a lurking and suspicious younger sister, the secret serenading of Kate in public by an undeterred Noah, an even more suspicious younger sister, the discovery of sketches of her older sister, a broken heart, regret over nose piercing, sisterly hugs and absolutely no mention of grief stricken snogging, which was probably for the best really.

Cruel fate, crushed dreams and wheelchair-bound mothers

The ambitious Dr Rhys Lawson’s dreams of becoming a surgeon were left in tatters after falling victim to cruel fate of the changing-the-date-of-the-surgeon-programme-interview-pre-occupied-horny-personal-trainer-and-latin-music-fitness-regime-embracing-house-mate-doubles-buying-revenge kind (long story). Having turned up late and hungover for his interview, the panel of surgeons were less than impressed and not even Dr Lawson’s smarmy smile could win them over.

English: No. 26, Ramsay Street from TV show, N...

Oh the crushed dreams. Oh the bitter personal trainer/smarmy surgeon put downs. Oh how was he going to tell his doting, chronically ill, wheelchair bound mother of his failure? What was that? You didn’t know Dr Lawson had a doting, chronically ill, wheelchair bound mother and who could possibly fall for such a blatantly manipulative attempt by the scriptwriters to create viewer sympathy for the smarmy, shallow doctor? Quite. Alas, the caring, complex and deeply misunderstood Doctor Rhys couldn’t bring himself to tell his sick mother the truth, allowing her to believe that he’d been accepted onto the training programme and would soon become a world class surgeon. Poor Dr Lawson.

Other Stuff

Lucas decided not to sell the garage, temporarily scuppering the proposed shopping centre development and the funding of Lou’s around the world cruise (don’t ask) and causing Toadie to have a minor broken-couch-meltdown (again, don’t ask).

The convalescing surfer-dude head teacher Michael reluctantly allowed the rather attractive Serbian beautician/hairdresser Emilia to take care of him so that Tash could concentrate on her exams but once again warned her that his daughter must never discover the full and terrible truth about the day her mother drowned.

And Dr Karl Kennedy, having spotted Malcolm and Jade canoodling in a bus shelter, later confronted his son and the personal trainer and demanded they end the affair for such things would only lead (as he knew from personal experience) to tears, heartache and perhaps the conceiving of a baby following sleep-medication-induced naked adult shenanigans with your former mistress having mistaken them for your former wife.

And finally…

There’s no more Neighbours until the 16th January. Until then, have a very happy Christmas and thanks for visiting over the past few months.