Noah and the Wail

Grief induced snogging

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Poor old Kate Ramsay, the former dancing trainee teacher/assistant in Harold’s Store, was led to the Police Station by Toadie to learn the devastating truth: that the only handsome-in-an-obvious-sort-of-way detective with OCD she’d ever loved, Mark Brennan, had snuffed it. Well, shocked disbelief led, as it so often does, to the devastating grief of the barefooted, vision skewing, sister shouting, late night umm-haha-heee-haha-can-you-guess-what-it-is-yet wall painting, time-lapse-capturing, floppy woolly hatted Ark Boy snogging kind… and a wail of utter disbelief from at least one viewer.

Naturally attempts to explain to the besotted, ever-so-slightly creepy, guitar strumming and no longer be-hatted student that it was all a terrible, terrible mistake, didn’t mean a thing and must never be spoken of again all took place in the most private of places, Harold’s and the corridors of Erinsborough High, and had absolutely no effect whatsoever. The smitten and artistic Noah continued to grin besottedly and rather distractingly at his beloved, causing a perturbed Kate to have a minor flashback-inducing melt down during her uni-examiner-assessed history lesson. I dread to think how she’ll react when she remembers the time-lapse camera.

Sick, well endowed mothers and Council corruption

Kyle the handyman suddenly departed to take care of his cosmetically-enhanced-on-the-cheap, malaria suffering mother (don’t ask) leaving his plain speaking, blonde highlighted and never-referred-to-before cousin Dane Canning to take care of the threatened Dial-a-Kyle business. Hearing a rumour that permission for the shopping centre project had come about as a result of council bribery and corruption (surely not), Dane went straight to the evil, shiver-me-timbers, Erinsborough News owning Long Paul Robinson and the ever-so-annoying Summer Hoyland (who is desperate to put together an exciting report as part of her application for some journalist course as she’s like so bored of the History Wall and hasn’t spotted the time-lapse footage of Kate kissing Noah). Unable to substantiate such bribery rumours and fearing suings, the cunning Darth Paul sat back and allowed the do-gooding Zombie loving Hoyland to break the news on Piratenet (and take any flak from the Council) in the hope that it may scupper the whole shopping centre project. Nice.

Tiaras and tantrums

Michael Williams, the increasingly loopy, insomnia suffering, deceased damp wife seeing, therapist visiting, surfer-dude head teacher of Erinsborough High, finally decided to sit Tash down and tell her the truth. “What?” you cry, “he finally revealed the dark and mysterious, father-daughter relationship shattering secret concerning the death of her former beauty queen mother?” Err…no. He told her he’s seeing a therapist. Yes, you’re quite right, she already knew that. But he didn’t know that she knew that. He also didn’t know that she knew all about her aunty, the rather attractive, conveniently-unreliable-when-the-plot-requires-it-Austin-Healey-Sprite-named-Pearl driving, leaver of early birthday presents on doorsteps with cards signed “E xxx”, Serbian hairdresser/beautician, Emilia Jovanovic. He knows now though (he read the card and unwrapped the prezzy – the tiara of the deceased former beauty queen). Unfortunately such knowings did not lead to reunited brother and sister-in-law type hugs (do they ever?) but to stay-away-from-my-daughter-type-threats and hopefully an end to the therapy as it clearly isn’t working.

And finally…

Minor details which should be casually mentioned by those of you who don’t watch the show but want to blag your way through a conversation with your tad suspicious Neighbours obsessed boss, kids or students:

“And what about Dr K spotting the flirting between the personal trainer and the married Malcolm Kennedy?”

“Barbecue blackmail can never be condoned”

“Susan’s really doing my head in with her husband bashing, wi-fi winging.”

“Wasn’t the flirty mechanic/Serbian beautician chest waxing sweet?”

“Why the hell hasn’t Kate got shot of that rose drawing from Ark Boy?”

“Loved the golf!”

An exciting, edge of your seat Neighbours recap

Image by Andreas_MB via Flickr

Missed Neighbours last week? Then you missed superheroes, Sandys, squids, spies, scientists, Spartacuses (Spartacusi?) and other things beginning with the letter “S”. Apart from that you missed sod all really (hey, another thing beginning with the letter “S”). What with all the “Previously on Neighbours” recaps, musical interludes, flashbacks, daydream sequences, and “Tomorrow on Neighbours” spoilers there wasn’t really much time for plot development.

The finding-and-doing-up-old-cars-on-request business of the oddly Aussie/Scottish accented Andrew Robinson and the sushi-scoffing Chris “Freckles” Pappas (no longer the only gay in Erinsborough) is actually doing well after an iffy start. Even Andrew’s “daaah”, the evil one-legged hotelier, was impressed. Thrilling.

Toadie, still stuck between a rock and a hard place, is experiencing a wide range of emotions (mainly love, guilt and despair), all of which are conveyed by just the one vaguely puzzled facial expression (raised eyebrows and a cross between a grin and a grimace). Thanks to Kyle the handyman’s chest and a flirty gay councillor (long story), Paul Robinson’s cunning plan to delay the new shopping centre by getting some old newspaper office listed (it’s located on the proposed car park site) worked. Toadie’s suspiciously anxious, party-pooping boss Peter, upon learning of the delay, ordered Toadie to leave his green fingered beloved’s “S” themed 30^th birthday party at once and come up with a solution to save the development (yes, he threatened to sack him yet again). Toadie’s solution? Build the car park on the site of the Dial-a-Kyle handyman yard, Fitzgerald Motors, the mysterious bric-a-brac/antiques shop and Grease Monkeys, offering the respective business owners a handsome sum in return. How could such a plan fail?

Despite all the threats of sackings, financial ruin and potential pariah-type woes, he and Sonya have decided that once things settle down a bit they’ll (cover your eyes if you’re of a nervous disposition) “try” for a baby and in the meantime (cover your eyes again) “practice”. Alas, Toadie doesn’t know that the manic mac wearing Sonya (who now suddenly wants nothing more in the whole wide world than a baby) has already thrown away her (cover your eyes again) contraceptive pills.

Some of the Erinsborough High kids, having reached new levels of boredom, decided to watch paint dry / paint a giant mural as part of the history wall project (delete as appropriate). The increasingly sullen Sophie Ramsay, twigging that Summer Hoyland was the fictitious year 12 girl that the floppy woolly hatted guitar strumming Noah has a fake secret crush on, kicked a tin of paint over the smug, zombie loving, do-gooder’s boots in a fit of jealous rage (major drama). Jealous paint-kicking-rage led, as it so often does, to nose piercing, yet more sisterly bickering, tedious besotted grinning (Noah at the perceptive-as-ever Kate), jamming in the Collective, aloof I’m-so-not-interested-in-nose-pierced-14-year-old-bass-playing-girls type behaviour from Ark Boy (harsh), the return of Lou Carpenter from East Timor, and yet more broken hearted teenage stroppy tantrums.

And what of Tash and the recently discovered Serbian hair dressing aunt, Emilia Jovanovic, you cry? What father-daughter relationship shattering secrets were finally revealed? What edge of the seat, high emotional drama finally ensued after weeks of intrigue? Well, after the hair and nail appointment a nervous Tash had booked under Chris’ name fell through, she hopped on a bus to a fashion shoot her aunt was working on (luckily a mere 40 minute ride away). In the meantime her surfer dude head teaching father Michael returned home, checked the answering machine and discovered a message from an unrelated Jovanovic Tash had phoned during the search for her grandparents last week. Oh the shock. Oh the horror. Oh what would happen next? Well, Tash arrived at the fashion shoot, was mistaken for one of the models by her aunt, plonked in a chair and… that was it.

Puzzle of the week

How come Sophie, who spent weeks strumming the same tune over and over and over again on her guitar, can now jam along to new tunes with a bass she’s had but a week?