Missed Neighbours last week? Then you missed smirking smarmy doctors, Valentine’s Day celebrations, traffic light parties, the discovery of a portal to a c.2005 bikini plot-line, yet more personal trainer/handyman relationship angst (don’t worry I’m sure there’ll be more next week) and some rather dodgy mimed singing at Charlies. You also missed…
Toilet flashbacks and reluctant confessions
The surfer-dude English teacher Michael Williams began to experience flashbacks of the catching-Summer-cheating-in-the-loos-during-an-English-exam-prior-to-collapsing-from-a-perforated-ulcer kind much to the dismay of Fringe Girl who’d finally put aside her feelings of guilt and had hoped Michael’s 2 minute amnesia was a long term thing.
After some oddly Aussie/Scottish accented “hoe could yooze dorb Summer en after the lays yooze torld Tesh aboat her mam?” confrontations, Michael (who’s still harbouring secrets of the brother-in-law/sister-in-law-naked-adult-shenanigans-in-the-back-of-the-Sandman-while-wife-was-drowning and more recent kissing-aforementioned-sister-in-law-even-though-she’s-dating-a-best-mate kind) decided not to dob her in but advised the would be Lois Lane that she could either:
(a) go to university, study journalism and forge a successful award winning career but be tormented and consumed by the terrible, terrible guilt of what she had done for the rest of her life (which would probably be quite short given the psychological and physical effects such terrible, terrible guilt would have on her) or
(b) confess all, scuppering her Eden Uni dreams (probably no bad thing as nobody ever seems to complete their studies at Eden Uni) but live the rest of her life with a clear conscience.
After confessing all to a sympathetic Susan, Summer later headed to the office of the head teacher Priya the bore… sorry, Kapoor… and has now gone off to visit her vaguely unhinged but oddly missed ex step-nan Lyn.
First date jitters
Having accidentally asked Aiden out (long story) a nervous Chris Pappas went mini golfing with the floppy haired gay nurse. And despite a brief interruption from a tantrum throwing Tash (she’d learned of Summer’s cheating and has vowed never to forgive Summer for allowing her to think she’d played some part in her father’s stress related stomach ulcer collapse with all the fake pregnancy/dating a slimy gardener/online topless photos/graffiti/selling treasured Bad Love albums to fund a nose/job-near death swimming pool antics/genealogical research type grief she’d put him through) the pair are all set for a second date.
Sonya, the green fingered recovering something-or-other spent an afternoon peeing on pregnancy test sticks in the desperate hope that her beloved had knocked her up. But alas he had not. Oh the what-if-all-the-something-or-other-I-did-in-the-past-has-rendered-me-incapable-of-having-any-more-children? bemoanings that followed. Oh the maybe-I’m-too-old-to-have-a-baby-at-30 type manic mutterings that ensued. Oh the pointless ponderings of one viewer over who was running the nursery while all this peeing on sticks was going on. In a desperate bid to shut his beloved up Toadie has suggested they both take a fertility test (sorry, that should have come with a warning).
Paul “avast me hearties” Robinson went to Port Douglas to search for his frizzy haired niece Kate Ramsay and engage in a bit of experimental exposed vest wearing. Well, one thing led to another which led to the pissing off of the local police, the feeding of opportunist back-packers, lost wallets, the increasingly overused-of-late I’m-listening-to-my-ipod-and-am-totally-oblivious-to-all-conversation-and-hollering plot device, the attempted theft of a boat, phone conversations with stroppy younger sisters and the eventual uniting of Kate with her one-legged uncle.
Having been told by Sophie that Mrs K has agreed to become her new guardian (she hasn’t) and will no longer be cast into an orphanage by Roz the social worker (she will), Kate has decided to put her own happiness first for a change and head off to Vietnam with her new beloved Dominic, much to the dismay of the evil hotelier/newspaper owner. What was that? Didn’t Kate put her own happiness first when she asked Andrew to delete Summer’s time-lapse footage of her grief induced kiss with Noah which ultimately resulted in the zombie loving student’s English exam revision meltdown, shameful cheating and crushed uni dreams? Err… yes.