Previously on Neighbours…

Jade the personal trainer and Kyle the handyman finally got rid of their house mate, the flaky florist Michelle, with a little help from the smarmy Dr Rhys who posed as an estate agent (don’t ask). Poor Michelle, who never really fulfilled the unhinged bunny boiling potential that Kyle believed her capable of, departed though not until she’d told her horrible house mates and the manic mac wearing Sonya and former beau Lucas that she knew all about Jade and Kyle’s secret naked adult shenanigans. Inevitable over-the-top manic-mac-wearing-sisterly concern ensued which led to denials, soccer, drinks with flirty soccer playing nurses, sisterly confessions, and general lovelorn mopiness.

Poor Dr Kennedy has spent the week wondering whether his wife Susan Kennedy will ever forgive him for his totally reasonable reaction to her over-the-top hand holding in an absolutely non-romantic way with the dearly departed Jim (she’s still in Anglesea). Such woeful wonderings led to miserable microwave meals for one, hypothetical driving lessons with stationery and cooking utensils, sobbing on sofas, the issuing of incorrect, patient-killing-doses-of-insulin-type prescriptions, and luckily an astute and formerly flirty soccer playing nurse. In an unusual show of goodwill, Dr Smarm covered Dr K’s back, smiling his smarmy “I’m so damned handsome it’s a crime” smile and telling the astute and formerly flirty soccer playing nurse that he’d issued the prescription (which somehow made it all ok). Alas such career saving goodwill came at a terrible, terrible price – Dr K had to introduce the ambitious Rhys to Erinsborough Hospital’s head of surgery during a game of golf.

Tash, the recently drowned but now much better daughter of the forlorn surfing headteacher Michael, is still hearing the sea and experiencing weird camera-zoomy-effect-type dizziness. Water in the ears? Brain tumour? (Summer’s suggestion – though everybody knows if you have a brain tumour you start chatting to people who don’t exist – ask Paul). Stress? An inherited medical condition from the long deceased mother she doesn’t remember and whom her dad rarely talks about? A repressed memory of some tragic event in the past? Newly developing cool superhero type powers? Alas, Tash can’t ask her dad as he’s gone off on his annual surfing holiday with an imaginary, barbecuing, surfer-dude friend named Ritchie – not a brain tumour related companion but Michael’s cunning cover story for a solitary pilgrimage with a little wooden box to the coast to sprinkle flower petals in the sea, look even more forlorn than usual, and read newspaper cuttings concerning a drowned woman (I’d tell you more but I couldn’t read it fast enough).

Callum, biological son of the manic mac wearing Sonya and adopted son of Toadie, is feeling all dejected and alone. His parents are out at work all day either fulfilling their green fingered lifelong dreams of a few weeks or toadying to the boss (sorry). Callum’s best friend Sophie, unimpressed by his futile attempt at playing the drums, spends her weekends strumming the same tedious tune on her guitar over and over and over again in an equally futile attempt to impress the wearer of the floppy woollen/cotton/acrylic-type-blend hat who is secretly besotted with her sister Kate, the dancing trainee teacher who works in Harold’s Store.

And finally…. Desperate to impress his employer after a shaky start at the firm of big shot city solicitors, Toadie has been inviting the boss to dinner, working weekends, interrupting newly engaged and loved up councillors’ romantic dinners for two, and has now taken on some project concerning a proposed new shopping centre and hotel in Erinsborough. Oh the controversy. Oh the moral and ethical dilemmas. Oh the potentially disastrous impact this could have on existing businesses in Erinsborough. Oh I wonder if there’ll be a Starbucks? They do rather nice cinnamon swirls with cream cheese frosting. Toadie has yet to tell anyone he knows what he knows, though the disgruntled one-legged hotelier, having discovered that Toadie works for the big shot solicitors, now knows that he knows more than he knows but just how much more he knows he doesn’t yet know.

Puzzle of the week:

The recurring musical instrument playing puzzle: How can Sophie’s guitar playing be heard throughout Ramsay Street, even in detached houses with the doors and windows shut?

Alas poor Jim, Susan knew him well… sort of

Susan Kennedy, determined that Jim the dying builder should see his childhood home in Anglesea before he snuffed it, attempted to break him out of Erinsborough Hospital. Poor Jim caught a fleeting glimpse of some kookaburras in the hospital car park before Dr Karl “jealous of a dying man” Kennedy spotted them (Jim and Susan – not the kookaburras) and had him returned to bed. While Dr K was having a calm and rational discussion with his wife outside the hospital, the smarmy Dr Rhys Lawson went to check on the dying builder. The next few minutes involved a lot of exasperated shouting (me), hand holding in an absolutely non-romantic way (Dr Rhys and an unconscious Jim), more exasperated shouting (me again I’m afraid), a deceased Jim, the return of Susan and Karl, withering “I’ll never forgive you” type looks, yet more exasperated shouting (Susan this time) and an ever so slightly less smarmy Dr Rhys who appears to have been deeply affected by holding Jim’s hand in an absolutely non-romantic way.

Mrs K, who wonders whether her over the top attachment to Jim was somehow connected to leftover guilt concerning her former and very much deceased husband Alex Kinski (father of Zeke, Rachel and the karate chopping, car stealing, former glamour model Katya), has gone off to Anglesea to arrange the funeral of her dearly departed builder leaving behind a miserable Dr K who is clinging to the hope that his son Mal can smooth things over. All this emotional turmoil and yet no sign of Susan’s MS. It’s a miracle.

Having given her distraught house mate, the flaky florist Michelle, a couple of hours to get over being dumped by Lucas (who has now decided to purchase the garage from Elle Robinson, daughter of Limpalot), the compassionate Jade asked her to pack her bags and move out as she and Kyle just didn’t like her, nothing personal. Michelle took it quite well, told them she wasn’t going anywhere and stormed off to her room taking her trifle with her (don’t ask). A cunning Kyle tried a more gentle approach: clear off we don’t like you but have a nice pot plant (purchased from the newly opened ‘Sonya’s Nursery’), a dolphin card (poor Mr Watson) and a month’s rent with a bit extra thrown in. It failed.

Noah, wearer of the floppy woolly hat (though it could be cotton or perhaps a woollen/acrylic blend) is giving a besotted, grinning and much younger Sophie electric grid challenging guitar lessons and inspiring her to write songs about him. Cool. Alas, poor Sophie doesn’t know that Ark Boy is grinning besottedly at her older sister, Kate the trainee teacher/assistant in Harold’s Store, who is oblivious to all of the besotted grinning and has foolishly offered to give him extra one-on-one history lessons, much to Noah’s delight.

Michael the surfing head teacher and his troublesome and recently drowned but now much better mathletic daughter Tash have finally made up. Father and daughter have been happily reunited. Harmony has been restored. Boarding school has been cancelled. That photograph of the young surfer dude type Michael, his wife and a young Tash on a beach (taken 1995) has been returned (minus the Badloves album but hey, you can’t have everything). All is right with the world once more. Nothing could possibly go wrong. All this sea business (Tash is still hearing the sea, Michael is still having flashbacks involving the sea) can’t possibly be some long forgotten, dark and tragic secret from the past that will cause yet more angst between the pair. We can rest easy, safe in the knowledge that nothing nasty is lurking round the corner ready to shatter their cosy little world. Phew.

Last week on Neighbours…

Jim the builder is clinging on, just. In an attempt to cheer his wife up Dr Karl Kennedy took over from the smarmy Dr Rhys as Jim’s attending physician. Susan, who has spent the week saying “Jim” rather a lot, bringing in baskets of goodies to cheer “Jim” up and reading the footy news to “Jim” as though she were reading bedside stories to a child named “Jim”, was proper made up for “Jim” as she didn’t like the way the smarmy and uncaring Dr Rhys had been looking after “Jim”. Alas, Dr K, who hasn’t been to the gym for a while, told her that “Jim” was far to sick to visit some childhood home in Anglesea, a lifelong dream Susan…I mean “Jim”… wants to fulfill before he dies. Susan, upon hearing the news about “Jim” rushed to comfort “Jim”. Hand holding in an absolutely non-romantic way progressed to rather shocking hugs and forehead kissing in an absolutely non-romantic way, all of which was secretly witnessed by a jealous and seething Karl who later refused to administer extra and potentially life threatening pain killers to a surprisingly robust and healthy looking “Jim”, despite Susan’s whining. Disappointed by her horrid husband’s uncaring attitude Susan turned to the handsome and lovely Dr Rhys who was sure to ease the suffering of her beloved “Jim”. Unmoved, Dr Rhys told her to sod off.

After discovering that his oddly accented son had turned his “hoose” into a “horstel” for backpackers, the evil hotelier with a limp, Paul Robinson, decided to teach him a lesson. He cunningly led Andrew to believe he was getting him an “ooodi” for his 18^th birthday and then presented him with an old VW beetle formerly owned by Pickles the Clown.

Hell appeared to have frozen over briefly when Paul offered a drink and parenting advice to his nemesis, Michael the increasingly forlorn surfer dude head teacher who’d had a fling with his wife, Rebecca (though to be fair their marriage was going through a bit of a rough patch after the cheating, balcony pushing and blackmailing). Parenting advice from a man with a banged up son who once blew up a plane full of Ramsay Street residents and attempted to shoot his father dead, a spoiled daughter who once conned him out of his hotel and house and blew up a former nightclubbing nun’s veggy van out of petty jealousy, and a son with dubious morals and a dubious accent? Hmm.

After a night of partaying, Tash the prawn, determined to have some fun with her friends before being packed off to boarding school, suggested she, Andrew, Summer and Chris go for a dip in Toadie’s pool. One thing led to another, which led to some shoving, head bashing, extreme dampness, life saving, split screen craziness, an ambulance, Erinsborough Hospital (where most things tend to lead these days), strangely for Neighbours absolutely no amnesia, some odd drowning at sea dreams, some odd drowning at sea flashbacks and an even more forlorn and rather guilty looking Michael. Intriguing.

Jade decided that the only way of getting over Kyle the handyman was to get under Kyle the handyman. Naked adult shenanigans with absolutely no emotional messy relationship type strings attached ensued in the bedroom and later the kitchen floor. Alas, Jade is still hopelessly besotted while Kyle is just chuffed to be having naked adult shenanigans with absolutely no emotional messy relationship type strings attached.

And finally… Lucas, the wealthy mechanic and giver of electric guitars to increasingly sullen teenagers named Sophie, dumped Michelle the chatty flaky florist after she started planning a romantic getaway for the pair. Lucas thought Michelle had taken it all rather well. Alas, he didn’t witness the slightly manic fist clenching, a hint of bunny-boiling madness about the eyes, and the sad demise of Mr Watson the dolphin statue.

Déjà vu?

If you missed Neighbours last week then fear not. Everything that happened the week before pretty much happened all over again only with less musical interludes and a 24-type split screen special effect.

Susan found out that Dr ‘jealous of a dying man’ Kennedy had asked Jim the builder (pity they didn’t call him Bob) not to rely on Susan quite so much during the last few weeks of his life. Jim, who had not been wandering around lost in a nearby housing estate again but was taking Karl’s advice too far by avoiding Susan altogether, was persuaded by a guilty Karl to seek the support of his anxious wife again. Jim, not wanting to be a burden, was no longer keen for Susan to sign the Medical Power of Attorney which led to a suspicious Susan, a shifty looking Karl, a penny dropping, a blazing row, a flouncing Susan, a miserable Dr K and a hell of a lot more hand holding in an absolutely non-romantic way by the lake. Mal, long lost son of the Kennedys, though not as long lost as the youngest son Billy, though more long lost than the ever so slightly long lost daughter Libby who popped out to visit her genius son Ben somewhere in Australia and hasn’t been seen since, suggested his dad was being daft and pointed out that Jim would be dead in a few weeks anyway so what was the big deal? Nice.

Toadie is no longer being true to himself and has taken the job with the big shot solicitors in the city so that Sonya (who was actually seen training a guide dog for the blind, albeit reluctantly) can get a large loan in order to bid at the upcoming auction for the Community Garden and fulfil her lifelong dream of a few weeks – growing vegetables. Sonya’s happy but Toadie is less so now that he spends most of the day stuck in traffic jams (which is odd as everyone usually flits back and forth between Ramsay Street and the city in minutes, no problems) and works through piles of legal papers late into the night, rarely seeing his green fingered beloved or his adopted son Callum.

Michelle the flaky florist with a Dolphin Statue named Mr Watson, has spent the week cooking, yacking, accusing Kate of being a bit of a floozy, borrowing dresses and generally annoying Jade the personal trainer and Kyle the handyman. Oh how they miss their former and possibly deceased house mate, Mark Brennan, the good looking-in-an-obvious-sort-of-way detective with OCD. Oh how they long to be rid of Michelle. But alas, she’s started dating the recently wealthy Lucas, mechanic, former motorbike racing champion, exhibiting photographer, recovering gambler, part time teacher of mechanics and now stand-in woodwork teacher, which makes such longing to be rid of more difficult. I say ‘alas’ but I don’t quite understand how this prevents them telling her to pack her bags and clear off. I might have left the room for a minute or two and missed something vital.

The surfing headteacher Michael continues to pretend he doesn’t care what his daughter Tash, the mathletic prawn, does with her life, which is a worry as she’s convinced she has a big nose and has ‘borrowed’ her dad’s credit card to book a little plastic surgery. Kate actually went to school to discuss her teacher training (it was convenient for furthering the Michael/Tash plot). Chris, the only gay in Erinsborough, has yet to tell papa Pappas that he’s decided not to go to uni to study mechanical engineering but is going to do a car mechanics apprenticeship instead. Sophie, still inspired by Noah, the guitar strumming wearer of a floppy woolly hat who now occasionally utters the odd sentence, has moved on from percussion and is now learning to play the guitar (taught by a music teacher named Mollie who has never been seen before) leaving her best friend Callum all bereft. And finally, hop-a-long Paul Robinson has gone off to America to visit his daughter Nicole Kidman/Elle leaving his enterprising and oddly Aussie/Scottish accented son Andrew to turn his “daaah’s hoose” into a “horstel” for a van load of oddly accented backpackers so that he can pay for an apartment during schoolies, much to the dismay of his sensible though increasingly sex obsessed, zombie loving girlfriend, Summer, who was hoping to be have sexual shenanigans in every room while the evil hotelier was away.

Puzzle of the week: How does Jade transport her two giant inflatable gym balls back and forth between Ramsay Street and the grassy bit near Lassiters?

Last week on Neighbours…

It’s been a fairly uneventful week in Ramsay Street this week.

Chris Pappas, former boyfriend of Summer until he suddenly turned gay after seeing Andrew, the oddly accented, ne’er-do-well son of peg leg ‘avast me hearties’ Paul Robinson, semi-naked in the changing room of the gym, is now a bona fide part-time employee of Lucas, mechanic, part-time mechanics teacher, recovering gambler and lately a bit of a miserable sod who has inherited $700,000 from his recently deceased father who never truly understood him. Chris has similar father/son woes as papa Pappas, ashamed of fathering the only gay in Erinsborough, had clung to the hope his son would continue captaining the basketball team and study at uni. Alas, Chris has turned his back on the bigoted bullies of the basketball team and has declared that he wants to become a fully-fledged mechanic when he leaves school.

Sonya, trainer of guide dogs for the blind and recovering something-or-other, has spent most of the week gazing enthusiastically at the rather sad and pathetic looking veggy beds of the Community Garden, and absolutely no time at all training guide dogs for the blind. She goes back and forth from slightly manic, hat wearing hope to tearful, mopy despair as she attempts to get financial backing to purchase the Community Garden and run a nursery, a lifelong dream she’s had for a week or two now. Lucas, desperate to be rid of his father’s money which seems to taunt him in a ‘naah naah na naah naah you can’t cope with so much money you huge disappointment of a son’ sort of way, offered most of it to Sonya. Her joy was short lived however as one thing led to another which led to Toadie feeling less of a man, Sonya handing the cheque back to the miserable mechanic and Toadie reconsidering the offer of the highly paid job that he had turned down a few weeks ago in order to be true to himself.

Dr Karl and Susan Kennedy appeared to be trying to pick up the pieces of their tattered marriage (cleverly mirrored by the picking up and pasting together of the tattered map of Peru). After some emotional jogging and a tearful and rather moving heart-to-heart, Susan admitted that she had got too involved with holding Jim’s hand in a supportive and absolutely non romantic way. Alas, Susan promptly got more involved as Jim asked her to sign a Medical Power of Attorney after he got lost walking through a housing estate he had built, which led to the smarmy Dr Rhys casting aspersions on Susan’s integrity, Karl asking Jim to distance himself from Susan to spare her the hurt, more emotional jogging, Jim distancing himself from Susan (or possibly just lost in a neighbouring housing estate), Susan wondering why Jim hasn’t been in touch, and lots of looking into the middle distance in a guilty kind of way from Dr K.

Jade, personal fitness instructor to anyone who may further the plot, confided to her once sensible yet increasingly annoying sister, Sonya, that she has feelings for her house mate, Kyle the handyman. After several minutes of new heights of annoyingness Sonya suggested she just tell him how she felt. If only to shut her sister up, Jade agreed, and was about to confess the aforementioned feelings to the aforementioned handyman during a cosy dinner for two when they were interrupted by their new house mate and plot furthering client of Jade, Michelle, a flaky florist with a dolphin statue named Mr Watson, who has moved in to help them pay the rent to the slightly deranged owner of Harold’s Store, Lyn Scully (who left Ramsay Street so that her grandson Charlie could spend time with his banged up mother Steph, accidental killer of the singing trainee paramedic Ringo, in a new mother and child friendly prison). Alas, Kyle is still besotted with the lovely Kate, former dancer/full-time assistant in Harold’s Store and occasional trainee teacher when the script writers remember, which led to lots of jealous scowling from Jade and crushed ‘oh woe is me’ type looks from Kyle after he learnt of Kate’s drunken naked shenanigans with the smarmy doctor Rhys.

Sophie, sister of Kate, and Callum, son of Sonya, decided to join music class so that they can one day form their own rock band. After their first percussion lesson, Callum, disillusioned with the tambourine, has decided to join the cooler kids in woodwork. But Sophie, she got rhythm, and has been inspired to stick with it by the mysterious new student, Noah, a semi-mute wearer of floppy woolly hats and caricaturist, who drums on lockers and sits under trees playing self penned tunes on his guitar. Cool.

Trashy Tash, in an attempt to see just how far she has to rebel before her dad, Michael, the surfing head teacher of Erinsborough High, will show her any kind of fatherly concern/love, played some dancing game on the Wii so loudly that everyone in Ramsay Street could hear it in their detached houses with the doors and windows closed (a feat previously matched by Harold’s tuba) and didn’t do her homework. To add to her self made woes, she’s being called a prawn (don’t ask) and as result believes she is ugly, not helped by a caricature of her drawn by the semi mute guitar strumming wearer of floppy woolly hats, Noah.

There were yet more woolly hats when the oddly accented Andrew met some oddly accented backpackers (allegedly French) who needed somewhere cheap to spend the night. Andrew, needing cash to pay towards a deposit for an apartment to stay in during the schoolies and hard up after his dad refused to give him extra pocket money, offered them The Shed (the place where the menfolk of Ramsay Street hang out to drink beer, escape their women, avoid their feelings and do general manly stuff). Alas the French backpackers would only pay him half of what he wanted as they found a “gret beeeg poisoness spiddair”. Sacre bleu!

Last week’s events (and a few minor plot detours)

Kennedy marriage in crisis

The Kennedy’s marriage is in trouble yet again, though this time no young brunette/blonde females or former catholic priests are involved, but a dying builder named Jim whom Susan Kennedy (formerly Kinski formerly Kennedy) has decided to dedicate her life to caring for during his final few weeks, jeopardising a planned, romance-rekindling expedition to Peru with her golf playing, guitar strumming husband, Dr Karl Kennedy.

Jim the builder was employed by the now departed Lyn Scully, former hairdresser turned ever so slightly unhinged owner of Harold’s, to rebuild her house after it was accidentally burnt down by some dodgy fairy lights she’d planned to put on the Christmas tree to ‘accidentally’ burn down her house so that she could claim on the insurance and pay Tim Collins, the nasty lawyer and Toadie’s arch-nemesis, to fight for a reduction in Steph’s sentence for flattening the singing trainee paramedic Ringo, husband of Donna, inventor of the shrugalero. Having put the dodgy fairy lights on the tree and removed the battery from the smoke alarm Lyn then changed her mind, fled home, took the dodgy lights down, shoved them under the couch and returned to Harold’s, her conscience clear.

Alas cruel fate and a horny teenager intervened. Lyn’s step-granddaughter, Summer Hoyland (formerly an annoying, fair and curly-haired daughter of mad Max (ex-husband of Steph), and now an annoying, dark and straight-haired, zombie loving teenager who never seems to visit her poor father) came home, found the dodgy fairy lights under the couch, put them on the Christmas tree and then headed into her bedroom. One thing led to another (which had begun months ago and was getting rather boring by now) which finally led to Andrew Robinson, the no-good, oddly Aussie/Scottish accented son of the evil one legged hotelier and owner of the Erinsborough News, Paul Robinson, climbing through Summer’s bedroom window and being offered more than her last Rolo. Anyway, the tree caught alight, Summer hopefully caught nothing, there was a bit of hysterical wailing from Lyn and eventually Summer and Andrew were rescued along with Tash and Michael (don’t ask). More stuff led to other stuff which led to a calendar of semi-naked Ramsay Street menfolk which led to the hiring of Jim the builder and an escaped giant lizard (long story).

Anyhow, Susan, upon learning that Jim had cancer and no family or significant other to support him, began to accompany him to appointments and chemotherapy sessions at Erinsborough Hospital (discovering a whole new room in the process and a new and smarmy doctor named Rhys Lawson) as well as meeting him for frequent coffees and lunches in Harold’s and Charlie’s, holding his hand in a supportive but absolutely non-romantic manner which could never possibly lead Jim to become a little besotted with her.

In order to continue to hold Jim’s hand in a supportive and non-romantic manner during his illness, Susan lied to her beloved Dr Karl telling him that her boss, the evil, one legged Paul Robinson, would not grant her leave to go to Peru earlier than her thrifty husband had planned. Oh the deceit. Susan then showed Jim’s medical chart to Karl who reluctantly told her that a) Jim’s cancer looked terminal, b) there was little point in him continuing the course of chemotherapy that the smarmy Dr Rhys had recommended and c) Susan wasn’t to tell Jim any of this. Naturally Susan promptly told Jim all of this which led to the end of Jim’s chemotherapy treatments, an annoyed Dr Rhys, an annoyed Dr Karl, the return of their eldest son Mal from London, a leaving meal for Lou Carpenter before heading off to East Timor to supervise the building of schools (what?), the inevitable discovery of the aforementioned lie about leave and a very angry Dr Karl tearing down a map of Peru (which is very clever as it symbolised that both the vacation plans, the actual map/plan of Peru and the Kennedy marriage were in tatters…though I could be over analysing this a bit).

Veggy love

Sonya the trainer of guide dogs for the blind (when the script writers remember) has been spending most of her time over the past few weeks volunteering at the Community Garden helping school kids (who don’t actually seem to spend much time in school) plant veggies. Alas, the council have decided to sell the garden (no thanks to peg-leg Robinson) prompting Sonya, who has become slightly annoying of late, to declare that she wishes to turn her back on training guide dogs for the blind in order to buy and run the Community Garden as there is nothing in the world she loves more than gardening and growing veggies. Toadie, who has recently turned down a lucrative job with a big firm so that he could remain true to himself, has broken the news to her that they don’t have the financial resources to undertake such a crazy scheme. If only Sonya knew that Lucas, her gambling support buddy and best friend, had recently inherited $700,000 from his recently deceased father who had never truly understood him.

Tash and Michael

Trashy Tash, the blonde maths genius, continues to break the heart of her father, Michael, Williams, the surfing head teacher of Erinsborough High. Several months ago she’d embarked on a rather flawed plan: pretending to be pregnant with Andrew’s baby (she’d discovered that her no-good, oddly accented boyfriend had been having a secret affair with Summer and was about to dump her). A pregnancy testing kit and a felt tip pen fooled them all initially but thankfully Summer figured out that the photo of Tash’s ultrasound was a fake which was a relief as the next part of Tash’s plan would probably have involved shoving a cushion up her top. Poor old Michael, who always goes surfing when feeling hurt or betrayed, had finally started to trust her again when she started dating Ivan the terrible, a much older and rather slimy gardener at the nearby university who had a thing for younger girls and his own car. One thing led to another which led to the texting of some saucy pictures to her beloved, the appearance of these saucy pics online, ridicule from the rest of the school, lots more surfing, and a cunning plan by Tash to regain the sympathy of classmates and the love of her father by defacing the houses and cars of Ramsay Street with unflattering yet totally true statements about herself with a can of yellow spray paint. The cunning plan seemed to work, but alas, Tash left the can of paint in the wheelie bin where it was discovered by her despairing dad. Michael, fuming at yet more deceit and a little damp from all the surfing, is now pretending he no longer cares what his troublesome, mathletic, ‘look at me’, nightmare-of-a-daughter does.

And finally….

Jade Mitchell, personal fitness instructor to anyone who may further the plot and the vaguely annoying sister of the increasingly annoying and green fingered Sonya, is still oddly besotted with her house mate Kyle the handyman, who is still besotted with Kate the former dancer/full-time assistant in Harold’s Store and occasional trainee teacher, who has become less besotted with the recently departed Mark Brennan, the good looking-in-an-obvious-sort-of-way detective with OCD, having had a drunken one night stand with the smarmy Dr Rhys.